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Let's be real. You might be settling right now in your job, in your career, in your relationship, and even in your own potential. And the worst part, you
說真的。你現在可能正在將就，在你的工作、你的職業、你的關係，甚至是你自己的潛力上。最糟糕的是，你
might not even know it. We both have more than once. And today, we're going to talk about how to know if you're settling, why high achieving women do it
可能甚至不知道。我們兩個都有過不止一次。今天，我們要談談如何知道你是否在將就，為什麼高成就女性更
more often than you think, and men, and how to get out of it without blowing up your entire life. Settling isn't failure, but staying there once you know better. That is yikes.
常這樣做，比你想的更頻繁，還有男性，以及如何在不毀掉你整個生活的情況下走出來。將就不是失敗，但一旦你知道更好的還留在那裡。那就是糟糕。
If you're listening to this, it's probably not by accident. Your gut is trying to tell you something, and we're here to help you listen to it. As
如果你在聽這個，這可能不是偶然。你的直覺正在試圖告訴你一些事情，我們在這裡幫助你傾聽它。一如
always, in this episode, we have a bunch of mini exercises so you can take the learnings and apply them directly to your life. And we also have case studies
既往，在這一集中，我們有很多迷你練習，這樣你可以把學到的東西直接應用到你的生活中。我們還有案例研究
like we did at Harvard Business School and Stanford GSB. I'm Jean. I'm Sheree.
就像我們在哈佛商學院和史丹佛 GSB 做的那樣。我是 Jean。我是 Sheree。
And we're the Tiger Sisters. >> We are your Wall Street and Silicon Valley big sisters. And we're a top 10 business podcast on Spotify where we talk about money, power, and love.
我們是 Tiger Sisters。我們是你的華爾街和矽穀大姐姐。我們是 Spotify 上前 10 名的商業播客，談論金錢、權力和愛情。
>> Honestly, I know this episode can be very hard to hear and to listen to. And if you do in your heart of hearts know that you are settling, I empathize with
老實說，我知道這一集可能很難聽。如果你內心深處知道你正在將就，我對你感同身受。
you. It is not an easy feeling to come to terms with. It's actually so uncomfortable and so weird. And so in listening to all of this, we are here
這不是一個容易接受的感覺。這其實很不舒服、很奇怪。所以在聽所有這些時，我們與
with you. But we do have some tough love for you guys. The first thing we're going to talk about is the symptoms of settling. Yeah. I think a lot of times
你同在。但我們確實有一些嚴厲的愛給你們。我們要講的第一件事是將就的症狀。是的。我認為很多時候
people think settling is something that's like really dramatic and when you're in it, you feel terrible. But it doesn't always feel like straight misery. Sometimes you just feel fine.
人們認為將就是非常戲劇性的，當你身在其中時，你會感覺很糟糕。但它不總是感覺像是徹底的痛苦。有時候你只是感覺還好。
like you're in a job that you know is going fine or you're dating someone that looks perfect on paper but it's not actually great or you're shrinking yourself to keep the peace. It's fine.
比如你在一份你知道還好的工作，或者你在約會一個書面上看起來完美但實際上不是很好的人，或者你在委屈自己來保持和平。還好。
Everything's fine. According to a Harvard Business Review article, 85% of people worldwide feel actively disengaged at work. And that's not just burnout. That's people waking up, going through the motions, and
一切都好。根據《哈佛商業評論》的一篇文章，全球 85% 的人感覺在工作中積極脫離。這不只是倦怠。這是人們醒來、例行公事、然後
calling it a career. >> And that's settling. Mhm. Yeah. I think that's very common for people. Um they basically choose something that's comfortable, which is kind of the equivalent of settling, but they don't
稱之為職業。那就是將就。嗯。是的。我認為這對人們來說非常普遍。嗯，他們基本上選擇一些舒適的東西，這有點相當於將就，但他們不
realize they're kind of killing off their future self.
意識到他們有點在扼殺他們的未來自我。
>> Is that dramatic? >> Kind of. That's very dramatic.
這是不是太戲劇化了？有點。這非常戲劇化。
>> But it's kind of true. If you're like looking back on yourself at times when you were settling, don't you feel like, oh, what was I doing? I was I almost
但這有點真實。如果你回顧你將就的那些時候，你不覺得，哦，我在做什麼？我幾乎
like closed off this whole amazing life that I have for myself >> if I kept going in that path.
關閉了這整個我可以擁有的美好生活，如果我繼續走那條路。
>> So, how can you figure out if you're settling then?
那麼，你怎麼能弄清楚你是否在將就呢？
>> So, the mini exercise is think about where you are today and if you were to continue in this path for the next 12 months, would you be happy with where
所以，迷你練習是想想你今天在哪裡，如果你在接下來的 12 個月繼續走這條路，你會對你
you end up? And if the answer is no, or if you just feel yourself kind of like shrinking away from the answer and unhappy with it, that means you're
最終到達的地方感到高興嗎？如果答案是否定的，或者你只是感覺自己有點從答案中退縮並且對此不高興，那就意味著你在
settling. Okay, so now that we've talked about how to know if you're settling, we're going to talk about why women and men settle. So, high achieving people, especially women, are trained to endure.
將就。好的，現在我們已經談了如何知道你是否在將就，我們要談談為什麼女性和男性會將就。所以，高成就的人，特別是女性，被訓練去忍耐。
We're trained to not want too much, to be grateful, and to wait our turn. And we end up internalizing that.
我們被訓練成不要要太多，要感恩，要等待我們的輪到。我們最終把這些內化了。
>> Oh, yeah. And there are so many studies that support this. So, the one that comes to mind for me is most recently in 2020, Stanford did this study about
哦，是的。有很多研究支持這一點。所以，我想到的是最近在 2020 年，史丹佛做了這個研究關於
women and um basically how they put themselves up for promotion or how they don't put themselves up for promotion.
女性以及基本上她們如何為晉升推薦自己或她們如何不為晉升推薦自己。
So, the takeaway is that women in leadership consistently underestimate their readiness for promotion even though objectively for all the women in the study, they actually were outperforming their male peers.
所以，結論是領導層的女性始終低估她們晉升的準備程度，即使客觀上在研究中的所有女性實際上都表現優於她們的男性同事。
>> So, it's not just lack of opportunity for women. A lot of times it's more so this sense of lack of self-belief which is also reinforced by our existing patriarchal systems.
所以，對女性來說，這不只是缺乏機會。很多時候更多的是這種缺乏自信的感覺，這也被我們現有的父權制系統強化了。
>> Yeah. And I think the really hard part about that and especially about hearing that study is that settling isn't always like a dramatic thing that you see in
是的。我認為關於那個和特別是聽到那個研究真正困難的部分是將就不總是你在
the workplace or in your personal life. It can feel like a like steady drift into settling and not realizing that you're there until you're actually there.
工作場所或你個人生活中看到的戲劇性的事情。它可以感覺像是穩定地漂向將就，直到你真正到了那裡才意識到你在那裡。
>> Right. I feel like that's actually why it's even more dangerous and like Yeah.
對。我覺得這其實是為什麼它更危險，而且像是的。
It's like insidious. Like you don't realize you're settling until you watch this episode and and we ask you, "Are you settling?" >> Yeah. And it's like an also an uncomfortable thing like an
這就像是陰險的。你不會意識到你在將就，直到你看了這一集，然後我們問你：「你在將就嗎？」是的。而且這也是一個不舒服的事情，一個
uncomfortable conversation to have with your friends too because I think from the outside if you see one of your friends settling in the workplace or in their like personal lives in a
和你的朋友進行的不舒服的對話，因為我認為從外面看，如果你看到你的一個朋友在職場或在他們的個人生活中的
relationship, it's also a really hard thing to call out. So I don't think it's like talked about.
關係中將就，這也是一件很難指出的事情。所以我不認為這會被談論。
>> No way. No one would ever call someone out for settling.
不可能。沒有人會因為將就而指出別人。
>> I mean, it's even like a harder It's even a hard conversation to have with yourself.
我是說，這甚至是一個更難的...這甚至是一個很難和自己進行的對話。
>> Yeah. >> It actually reminds me of this concept called value drift. And it's this concept that people slowly disconnect with what really matters to them and they don't even realize it, but they're
是的。這其實讓我想起了一個叫做價值漂移的概念。這個概念是人們慢慢地與真正對他們重要的事情斷開聯繫，他們甚至沒有意識到，但他們
feeling all these side effects, which are burnout, resentment, and loss of identity.
感受到所有這些副作用，就是倦怠、怨恨和身份的喪失。
>> So, have you ever called me out on settling before?
那麼，你有沒有因為將就而指出過我？
>> Not that I can remember, but it seems like you. Well, I mean, not not like explicitly, but I feel like I've always like pushed you to do more than you
我記不得了，但看起來像你。嗯，我是說，不是明確地，但我覺得我一直推動你做比你
thought you wanted to do at times, right?
認為你想做的更多的事情，對吧？
>> But that's not settling. I feel like that's me not knowing my potential >> or understanding my potential and you widening my horizons. I don't settle.
但那不是將就。我覺得那是我不了解我的潛力或理解我的潛力，而你在拓寬我的視野。我不將就。
>> I'm just kidding. Like sometime I have in relationships when I didn't realize that like like I thought this was a good thing on paper but then like you know in
我只是開玩笑。像是有時候我在關係中，當我沒有意識到這在紙面上是一件好事，但實際上
reality it wasn't exactly what I needed or wanted.
這不完全是我需要或想要的。
>> Yeah. But did I ever call you out? I I can think of one time I sort of called you out for settling.
是的。但我有沒有指出過你？我能想到一次我有點因為將就而指出你。
>> Okay. Would you Okay. I'm nervous. >> Well, no. It was when, maybe this is again back to the potential thing, but it was when after you had gotten into Stanford GSB
好的。你會...好的。我很緊張。嗯，不是。是當，也許這又回到潛力的事情，但那是當你進入史丹佛 GSB 之後
>> and you had already left LinkedIn and you had the whole summer and I was like and you had that job offer to work at Bane Capital Ventures
你已經離開 LinkedIn，你有整個夏天，然後我就像，你有那個在 Bane Capital Ventures 工作的工作邀約
>> which I was like hello this is incredible and you're like well I don't know like I I was planning to just >> create content.
我就像天哪這太不可思議了，然後你說好吧我不知道我本來計劃只是...創作內容。
>> Yes. >> I wanted to pursue my content career full-time.
是的。我想全職追求我的內容事業。
>> I thought you were just going to hang.
我以為你只是想放鬆。
No. Well, I wanted to create content full-time before school started to like experiment and see if that was a viable career path. Lo and behold, here we are.
不是。嗯，我想在學校開始之前全職創作內容來實驗，看看這是否是一個可行的職業道路。看，我們現在在這裡。
>> But I think my take at the time was I was like, well, this is an incredible way to create content. Like once you have this internship as a VC intern,
但我認為當時我的看法是，這是一個創作內容的絕佳方式。一旦你有了這個作為 VC 實習生的實習，
like what an amazing way to, you know, show show everyone in the world like what it's like to do this.
這是一個多麼好的方式來，你知道，向世界上每個人展示做這個是什麼感覺。
>> Yeah. No, I think that's that's as close to calling me out as possible.
是的。不，我認為那是最接近指出我的了。
>> Have you ever called me out? Yeah, I have. Do Do you know what I'm gonna say?
你有沒有指出過我？是的，我有。你知道我要說什麼嗎？
>> No, >> maybe. I don't know. >> I've only called Gan out once in her life.
不知道，也許知道。我不知道。我一生中只指出過 Gan 一次。
>> Oh, >> yeah. Honestly, for settling. Um, and it was with her last relationship.
哦，是的。老實說，因為將就。嗯，是和她的上一段關係。
>> If you see a friend or someone you care about who is settling, it is. And the reason why I said it's a hard conversation is cuz it's really hard
如果你看到一個朋友或你關心的人正在將就，這是...我說這是一個困難的對話的原因是因為真的很難
because one, you don't want them to feel any resentment for you for bringing something up that might be like a really hard truth to swallow, >> especially when it's a type one
因為一，你不想讓他們因為你提出一些可能是很難接受的真相而對你產生怨恨，特別是當這是一個
irreversible decision, which we talked about on one of our other episodes.
不可逆轉的一型決定，我們在我們的另一集中談過這個。
>> Yeah. So, it was in our last relationship where I I saw some things, I observed some things, and I wanted to bring it up to Jean. Um, and I did and
是的。所以，這是在我的上一段關係中，我看到了一些事情，我觀察到了一些事情，我想向 Jean 提出來。嗯，我提了，而且
only like maybe once or twice. It wasn't something I brought up on a weekly basis because I knew how the importance and the weight of my words and how to
只是可能一兩次。這不是我每週都提的事情，因為我知道我的話的重要性和分量，以及如何
navigate the situation very carefully. >> Um, so I did bring up and settling wasn't quite how I phrased it, but that's how I felt in the bottom of my heart.
非常小心地處理這種情況。嗯，所以我確實提出來了，將就不是我措辭的方式，但那是我內心深處的感覺。
>> Yeah. >> So I brought it up to you and >> how do you phrase it? I don't remember.
是的。所以我向你提出來了，你是怎麼措辭的？我不記得了。
>> Well, I was just like, I'm really concerned. This is coming from a place of concern. I see some things after like you know observing time spent with you
嗯，我只是說，我真的很擔心。這是出於擔心。在觀察了你和
and this other person and here are some things that I just don't think are are good objectively as your sister as objective as I can be and I think you
這個另一個人相處的時間之後，我看到了一些事情，這裡有一些事情我只是認為客觀上不好，作為你的姐姐盡可能客觀地說，我認為你
deserve more and better and it was really really tough for me to say and I think even tougher for you to hear especially because if your friend or your loved one is settling it's
值得更多更好的，這對我來說真的很難說，我認為對你來說聽起來更難，特別是因為如果你的朋友或你愛的人正在將就
and you want to bring it up you don't one you don't want to be wrong you know and Like >> yeah.
而你想提出來，你一不想說錯，你知道，而且像是的。
>> Yeah. Like if you tell like a friend you're like I think you're settling with the person that you're about to marry and they end up marrying that person and
是的。就像如果你告訴一個朋友你說我認為你和你即將結婚的那個人在將就，然後他們最終嫁給了那個人，
like you have to go to the wedding and see them.
你必須去參加婚禮並見到他們。
>> That was a close one. That was a close one. We did get engaged.
那是危險的。那是危險的。我們確實訂婚了。
>> Yeah. But like that's also just not easy in it of itself. Like that's not a good conversation or like a fun conversation to have.
是的。但那本身也不容易。那不是一個好的對話或有趣的對話。
>> But I also think it's also kind of saying like not that I don't trust you but I you might have a blind spot. Mhm.
但我也認為這也是在說不是我不信任你，但你可能有盲點。嗯。
>> That's what was really hard about it. I trust you to make the decision, but this is something you might not see that I am seeing from the outside.
那是真正困難的地方。我相信你會做出決定，但這是你可能沒有看到的，而我從外面看到了。
>> Yeah. >> That's why it was hard.
是的。這就是為什麼它很難。
>> I mean, it's also hard in general because it's probably something they don't want to confront about themselves.
但我真的很感激你這樣做，我記得當你這樣做的時候，我當時感覺不好但後來我意識到這是出於愛。
I mean, it's it must be >> Yeah.
是的。而且因為我說的這就是為什麼這麼難。
>> Yeah. Fun times. Really fun times. So, yeah, this podcast is real personal.
我認為我們可以進入第三部分了。就是心理學，為什麼我們會將就？是的。讓我們談談這個。我認為
Well, it was a happy ending. >> Yeah.
這在這一集中非常重要，因為我希望你們思考你們自己和反思你們是否認為你們正在將就，而且要非常誠實地面對自己。
>> In the end. >> Yeah. >> And I think another reason why like myself and a lot of people don't actually confront it is because it's been shown that high achievers are very
是的。第一個是人們會因為恐懼而留下來。我們害怕未知。我們害怕風險。我們害怕讓事情變得更糟。
good at rationalizing. >> And so I wrote down some of the lines that people say. So I'm lucky to have this.
第二個是沉沒成本謬誤。我們留下來是因為我們已經投入了。你投入的越多，就越難離開。
>> It's not that bad. Everyone would kill for this job or this relationship.
第三個是外部驗證。
>> Yeah. So, like if you've ever heard yourself saying those those words to yourself or like thinking them in your head, it might be another sign that you're settling and you're not admitting
這是當你在做一些讓其他人高興的事情。也許那是你的父母、你的同事、社會。你可能獲得了頭銜或榮譽，但這不是你真正想要的。
it to yourself yet. >> Yeah. And I think it's really hard. One thing that we talked about a few minutes ago was that like if everything looks
而且它在內部並沒有滿足你。第四個是低自我價值。
good from the outside, like if it looks right on paper, if everything, you know, is like beautiful and like shiny and Instagrammable, >> it's even harder to let that go because
這是當你內心深處不相信你值得更好的時候。你可能沒有意識到這一點，但它會影響你對生活做出的每一個決定。
there's that cognitive dissonance of like it looks good, but it doesn't feel good.
是的。這四個真的很重要。而且我認為有一件事要注意的是將就不總是很大、很明顯或很戲劇化的。
>> Yes. >> And what do other people think and perceive?
有時候它是微妙的。它是安靜的。它隨著時間慢慢發生。而且它可以在你甚至沒有意識到的情況下影響你。
>> Okay. So, I have another example that is not about my love life. It's about my work life.
所以讓我們做一個迷你練習。想想你目前正在做的工作或你正在進行的關係。
>> Can you make it about your love life?
問問自己，我是因為我真正想要這個而留下來還是因為我害怕其他選擇？然後寫下你的答案。這是第一步。
Just kidding. No. So my other example is just my last job where >> you know finally I had worked so hard I had you know worked 15 years in my
好的。現在讓我們談談走出將就。所以第一步是意識。你必須首先認識到你正在將就。這是最難的部分。
career to get to this dream job. So like if you had told me you know 5 years ago 10 years ago that I was going to be the head of product for augmented reality
第二步是清晰度。弄清楚你真正想要什麼。不是你的父母想要什麼，不是社會期望什麼，而是你實際上渴望什麼。
shopping and monetization at Snapchat I would have been like holy like what that's insane. That's my dream job. But like by the time I was like actually in
第三步是勇氣。做出改變需要勇氣。它需要承擔風險。它需要接受不確定性。
that role and in earnest doing that role, I was I was really disengaged by the end like I was >> like 85% of the worldwide population is actively disengaged according to Harvard Business Review.
第四步是行動。你必須實際採取步驟。小步驟算數。
>> But no, it's it was crazy like I I almost couldn't even reconcile it with myself because >> you worked so hard to get there. I worked so hard to get there and then
而且不需要一夜之間發生。但你必須開始行動。
finally I was in this position where honestly I was doing less actual work than I had ever done in my entire life.
是的。我認為這是我們一直說的。進步重於完美。你不需要一下子有完整的答案。
>> Like a lot of my my job was just to like tell people what to do and like you know try to make things happen etc. which is
你只需要開始朝著你想去的方向走。
hard in and of itself but it was less like actual work than I had ever done.
好的。讓我們做另一個迷你練習。想一個你認為你可能在將就的領域。
But I was so tired from it. Like I was so so drained and I couldn't figure out why.
可以是你的工作、你的關係或你生活的任何部分。然後問自己，如果我不再害怕，我會做什麼不同的事情？
>> Yeah. I mean, I think I knew deep down, but again, I wasn't admitting it to myself.
那個答案會告訴你很多關於你真正想要什麼。
>> Yeah. Because of the shiny exterior, because of the title, because of the pay, because of all >> because I'd worked so hard to get there.
這一集由 MBA Mission 贊助。他們為 Tiger Sisters 聽眾提供免費的一對一諮詢。
At >> some cost. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Kind of when you're there, when you've been working so hard to get there and your head's down, it's just like now what?
如果你正在考慮商學院，這是一個很好的資源。去 mbamission.com/consult 並選擇 Tiger Sisters 來預訂你的免費諮詢。
>> Well, and also like in my instance, I felt like I had sort of like defied all the odds to get there, too. Like I felt
好的。我們回來了。讓我們做一個案例研究。我想談談一個從將就中走出來的女性的故事。
like I had to Yeah. like fight tooth and nail and like fight against a lot of things.
所以這是 Indra Nooyi 的故事。她是百事可樂的前 CEO。在她職業生涯早期，她在一家傳統公司工作，她感覺被困住了。
>> The patriarchy being one of them. >> Wasn't gonna say it again, but >> Yeah.
她知道她能做更多。她冒了一個風險，離開去了一家更具創新性的公司。
>> Yeah. >> And we have a mini exercise to help you figure out if you're settling and why.
那個決定改變了她的整個軌跡。她最終成為了百事可樂的 CEO，世界上最有權力的女性之一。
>> So the mini exercise for this section is to complete the sentence. I'm scared to walk away because because when you finish the sentence, your fear will show
關鍵收穫是她認識到她在將就，她有勇氣做出改變，而且她相信自己。
where you've tied your worth. And once you name and label it, it can make it much easier to figure out if you are actually settling. Okay, so next up is
我喜歡那個故事。它表明將就不是永久的。你可以走出來。
the science of why we stay too long.
是的。而且它表明冒險是值得的。
Right after this quick break. Applying to business schools, it's a lot. We know every decision feels high stakes. Where to apply? When to apply, how do you stand out? You're googling everything
好的。讓我們做另一個案例研究。這個是關於一個一開始不知道她在將就的女性。
alone, hoping you're not making a huge mistake. Those months applying to business school, they were some of the most stressful of my life. Having an expert to guide you through the
所以這是 Sara Blakely 的故事，Spanx 的創始人。在她創立 Spanx 之前，她在做她討厭的傳真機銷售工作。
complicated application process, that's a gamecher. And that's why we've partnered with MBA Mission. They're offering Tiger Sisters listeners free personalized one-on-one MBA consultations. You can ask their experts
她不開心，但她沒有意識到她在將就，直到她有了這個把內衣剪掉腳部的想法。
anything and get advice you can use right away. The essays, the interviews, sharpening your own personal narrative.
那個想法變成了一個數十億美元的公司。她意識到她一直在讓自己變小。
Think of them as your own personal counselors to help you with the entire process. They are the leaders in NBA missions consulting and I wish I knew about them when I was applying.
她以為她必須堅持那條道路因為那是預期的。但她找到了勇氣去追求她真正想要的東西。
>> So go to mbammission.com/conult and pick Tiger Sisters in the drop-own menu to claim your free consultation today. Book now before the calendar fills up. Check out the episode
關鍵收穫是有時候你不知道你在將就，直到你發現一些讓你興奮的東西。
description. We have a special discount for Tiger Sisters listeners for MBA missions special on demand platform.
所以保持對新可能性的開放是很重要的。
They have over 25 hours of videos that take you step by step in the application process. All right, now back to our show and we're back. So, let's talk about a
我喜歡那個。它也表明將就並不總是感覺不好。有時候它只是感覺普通。然後當你找到你真正想要的東西時，你意識到那種「普通」實際上是將就。
term called cognitive dissonance, which was first coined in a 1957 Stanford study. And it's about the feeling that you have in your mind and your body when your actions don't align with your
完全正確。所以讓我們談談關係中的將就。因為這是我們收到很多問題的地方。
values. So, when you value growth, but you stay in a job that you hate or a relationship that you know that's not right for you, your body and your brain
是的。關係中的將就可以看起來像是和一個紙面上「完美」但你們沒有真正連結的人在一起。
signals distress. M that's why you get irritable. That's why you have anxiety.
它可以看起來像是留下來因為你投入了時間。或者因為你害怕獨自一人。
It's literally your body telling you something is not right here. Right? And the question of why we stay too long, a lot of it can be answered by the things
是的。而且它也可以看起來像是為了保持和平而讓自己變小。
we've talked about already. So fear of regret, some cost fallacy and external validation like everyone thinks this job is so amazing. Like everyone thinks my relationship is so great. Those are like
這些都是關係中將就的跡象。
the main reasons. So, one way to think about it, if you're afraid of leaving, what if you were afraid of staying? It could be much more scary or dangerous in the long term.
所以讓我們做一個迷你練習。如果你在一段關係中，問問自己這些問題。
So, next we have another mini exercise and I'm really excited about this one.
第一：我在這段關係中感覺完全是我自己嗎？第二：我的伴侶激勵我成為更好的人嗎？
Okay, so this one is to rate your alignment on a scale of 1 to 10 in three different areas: career, relationships, and your personal identity. And anything
第三：如果我今天遇到我的伴侶，我還會選擇他們嗎？
under a seven is actually a beige to red flag to sort of re-evaluate that area.
如果你對這些問題中的任何一個回答不是，這可能是一個跡象表明你在將就。
This is actually something that I do quite often. It's not like a monthly activity, but maybe like every I try to do it every 3 months or every quarter
這些是很難問自己的問題。但它們很重要。
just to feel like to ask myself like am I in sync with what's going on in my life? Is everything like in homeostasis?
是的。因為你值得一段讓你快樂的關係。
And oftentimes the answer is no. Like sometimes I'm feeling like you know in my relationship I'm not like 100 I'm not like 10 out of 10. If I am a seven out
讓我們談談在工作中將就。這是另一個我們收到很多問題的領域。
of 10 like then I like I'm like wait why do I even feel that way? Like what is the reason? And I can dig deeper >> too. Excuse me.
是的。在工作中將就可以看起來像是待在一份不再挑戰你的工作中。它可以是接受晉升的少於你應得的。
>> God bless you. And I can dig deeper if I have like the mental capacity to the time to and the willingness to. And that's okay if I don't write at that
或者它可以是在一個文化不適合你或對你有毒的公司。
point but it's just making sure I ask myself.
是的。而且我認為在工作中將就最棘手的部分是它常常隱藏在「感恩」的語言背後。
>> Excuse me. >> She can dig deeper. dig deeper.
像是「我應該感恩我有一份工作」或「至少它薪水不錯」。
>> I didn't I didn't realize you did it so often.
這些可能是真的，但它們也可以成為不追求你真正想要的藉口。
>> Yeah. >> You must be in the like top 1% of people who are >> probably like re-evaluating themselves if you do it every quarter.
所以讓我們做一個工作相關的迷你練習。問問自己這些問題。
>> Yeah, >> that's a lot. >> But I don't >> you don't even need this many exercise.
第一：我在學習和成長嗎？第二：我因為我的貢獻被認可嗎？
>> It sounds like a lot, but it doesn't have to be a lot. It doesn't have to be like you sit down for like an hour and a
第三：如果我今天得到這個工作邀約，我會興奮地接受嗎？
half and like journal for all that time and meditate. No, it's kind of just like asking yourself like, am I happy in my career right now? And like being okay
如果你對這些問題中的任何一個回答不是，可能是時候重新評估了。
that like the answer can be no. Yes.
這些是好問題。我認為有時候我們被困在例行公事中，我們忘記問自己這些問題。
>> And it doesn't have to be like yes, I'm so happy all the time. Like life is great. Like it's okay that the answer is no. But then asking yourself afterwards
是的。這就是為什麼定期和自己進行這些對話很重要。
like a follow-up like why is it no? Like >> are there things that I can cuz I want to be happy. Are there things that I can do
好的。讓我們談談如何停止將就。我們有五個步驟。
>> to make it better for myself? Are there things that are within my control or is it out of my control or is this seasonal? It's okay to ask those
第一步：承認你在將就。這是第一步也是最難的一步。
questions and like have an answer that you're not satisfied with, >> right?
第二步：弄清楚你真正想要什麼。寫下來。
>> So, just like the mini exercise I just described >> that that's what I'm saying. I like doing that.
第三步：識別阻礙你的是什麼。是恐懼嗎？是沉沒成本嗎？是外部驗證嗎？
>> Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it's something you are already doing. Yeah.
第四步：制定一個計劃。小步驟算數。
>> As a practice in your life. >> Yeah.
第五步：採取行動。你不需要一次做所有事情。但你需要開始。
>> Okay. So, now we've talked about the symptoms of settling, why people settle, and why we stay for too long. Now, let's talk about how to know if it's actually
我喜歡這五個步驟。它們清晰且可行。
time to move on. And we'll get started right after this break. Quick pause.
是的。關鍵是行動。你可以整天想著不將就，但如果你不採取行動，什麼都不會改變。
Tiger fam, this is Sheree and we just dropped a brand new listener survey.
好的。讓我們談談支持系統。因為一個人很難做到這些。
It's different from the audience survey that you hopefully already filled out.
是的。有一個支持你的人很重要。那可以是朋友、家人、教練或治療師。
It's 10 quick questions and 2 minutes max. Your support keeps the episodes free and publishing weekly. Why? Because your answers tell future sponsors that Tiger Sisters is a show worth investing
這些人可以幫助你看到你的盲點。他們可以在事情變得困難時鼓勵你。
in. That means better partners, stronger episodes, and no random ads you don't care about. Tap the listener survey link in the description right after this episode. knock it out and help us keep
是的。而且他們可以讓你負責任。
building a podcast that feels made for you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being the best part of Tiger Sisters. Now, back to the show. So, you
這很重要。因為改變是困難的。有一個支持你並讓你負責任的人讓它變得更容易。
know it's time to move on when you ask yourself these three questions. The first is, does this version of me only exist to serve other people's comfort?
所以讓我們做一個關於支持系統的迷你練習。
>> The second is, am I becoming someone that I admire? And the third is, would the woman I want to be say yes to this?
想想你生命中的人。誰是支持你成長並會說實話的人？
>> These are pretty intense questions. >> They're big questions.
寫下三個名字。然後考慮本週聯繫他們中的一個。
>> Yeah. And what if the answer is no?
這是一個很好的練習。有時候我們有這些人在我們的生活中但我們沒有充分利用他們。
>> Then you have your answer. And I think that's a very good thing to understand about yourself. These are not questions, I think, to shy away from. It's scary,
是的。而且有時候我們需要尋找新的支持。這也沒關係。
but it's only you for the better that you know. Mhm. And actually, we have this great case study about someone that I think she probably asked herselves these questions, and it's about Reese
好的。讓我們來結束一些最後的想法。
Witherspoon, who founded Hollow Sunshine, which is a company that we really look up to, and we think that, you know, Tiger Sisters can eventually be >> in that ilk. But the story behind Reese
首先，將就不是失敗。每個人都會在某個時候將就。重要的是你一旦意識到它就做些什麼。
is that she obviously was this incredibly talented and super commercially successful actor. And she kind of sort of like threw that all away to start Hello Sunshine because she
第二，你值得更好的。你值得一份你喜歡的職業、讓你快樂的關係，以及充實的生活。
wanted to create roles and wanted to work with people that were telling stories that she cared about. So like mostly women.
第三，小步驟算數。你不需要一夜之間改變一切。只要開始走向你想要的東西。
>> Yeah. And I really love the story of Hello Sunshine. One because it's super successful now. So, it's like fun to look at a success story, but also that it was born out of
我喜歡這些最後的想法。它們給人希望和可行性。
>> kind of like a problem that broke her heart in the way that like there weren't roles that she was getting that she wanted to play. And so, if that's not in
是的。我們希望這一集能幫助你認識到你可能在將就的地方，並給你開始做出改變的工具。
the environment that she's in, she created an environment and created a game that she wanted to play herself.
如果你喜歡這一集，請訂閱 Tiger Sisters 播客。它真的幫助我們。
And I think that's so cool. >> Yeah. So, she was like, I want to create this version of Hollywood that I want to be in. Yeah.
而且如果你知道有人需要聽這一集，請與他們分享。
>> Like she was like, "We're getting away from >> the place that I want to work." >> Yeah. She was anti-settling.
是的。分享就是關愛。而且它幫助我們發展我們的社區。
>> Yeah. >> You know, she she like realized that it was not what she wanted and she did something really big about it and created like a massively successful studio.
感謝收聽。我們下次見。
>> Yeah. It actually reminds me of this other like concept I'll just talk about really quickly, which is that this idea of like zone of excellence versus zone
拜拜。
of genius. So, she obviously was in her zone of excellence because she was an award-winning actor, but she wasn't in her zone of genius because she wasn't doing something that she really like
她的天才之處。所以，她顯然處於她的卓越區，因為她是獲獎演員，但是
cared about and wanted to dedicate her life to.
她在乎並想要奉獻一生的事情。
>> So, she sort of like threw it all away >> and started a new doing something she had never done before. Be a founder, be a producer, be a director.
所以，她某種程度上放棄了一切，開始做一些她從未做過的事情。
>> It's really incredible. Mhm. And on this idea of zone of excellence, I think it sounds like a good thing, but it can be quietly like nefarious because if you
真的很不可思議。嗯。關於卓越區這個概念，我覺得它聽起來像是好事。
are really good at something >> and it looks shiny kind of like we were saying before, shiny and good on the outside, you're like excelling in a field that other people are looking up
你真的很擅長某件事，而且它看起來很光鮮，就像我們之前說的，光鮮亮麗又好看。
to you for, but if you do not feel fulfilled or feel like you are in your zone of genius at the same time, it can be really easy to then settle. One quote
為你帶來認可，但如果你沒有感到滿足，或者同時沒有感覺自己處於天才區。
I like is, "Sometimes power means letting go of the thing you've built to build something even bigger." And I think the reason I like it is because I
我喜歡的是：「有時候力量意味著放手你所建立的東西，去建立更大的東西。」
feel like it's about me. I feel like that's what I've done. Like I sort of threw away this 15-year long really successful corporate career to start
感覺像是在說我。我覺得那就是我做的事。我某種程度上放棄了這15年的...
over with just the two of us and build this thing that I've never done before.
從頭開始，只有我們兩個，建立這個我從未做過的事情。
Like I'd never been on camera before this. Hopefully I'm doing okay job.
比如我以前從來沒有上過鏡頭。希望我做得還可以。
Leave a comment below. Please give her success. Like give her comments.
在下面留言。請給她成功。給她評論吧。
>> She's always fishing for compliments. Compliments and comments on how she's, you know, doing well.
她總是在尋求讚美。讚美和評論關於她做得多好。
>> They mean a lot and she reads all of them. Honestly, >> I really do.
它們意義重大，她會讀所有的。老實說，我真的會讀。
>> She needs the help with the validation.
她需要認可的幫助。
>> I do the validation. But yeah, that's what it really resonates with me that one.
我確實需要認可。但是，那個真的很能引起我的共鳴。
>> So the last mini exercise for this video is to write a letter to yourself, but imagine that it's coming from you 5 years in the future. What did she have
總之那是關於如何辨識你是否在委曲求全。
to let go of to become who she is now?
現在讓我們談談如何解決這個問題，如果你決定你確實需要做出改變。
And I really like this exercise. This is just like write a mini letter. It doesn't have to be long. I've done a couple of like um meditation and like manifestation exercises.
因為我覺得這真的很難做到，即使你已經承認了。
>> Oh >> yes. Where I literally like close my eyes and I imagine myself in the future.
是的，在認識到你正在委曲求全之後，接下來是什麼？這是最難的部分。
I imagine what I look like. I imagine the house that I'm in I'm in. It's an amazing exercise and it was a guided meditation and it like made me like
因為你可能會想，好吧，我知道我在委曲求全，但現在怎麼辦？
burst out into tears because your future self is asking your current your wait so your current self is asking your future self a bunch of questions and future me
這就是我想引入重新設計你的人生這個概念的地方。
is so knowledgeable. She's so calm and >> she's amazing skin, >> confident.
這實際上是一本書的名字，叫做《做自己的生命設計師》，作者是 Bill Burnett 和 Dave Evans。
And it's really powerful to do this exercise because then you can kind of see what can be if you are not afraid of going out of your comfort zone and
他們是史丹佛大學教授，教授這門課程，它非常受歡迎，以至於成為史丹佛最受歡迎的課程。
doing, you know, the hard reflections that we've kind of prompted you guys to do in this video. So I think if you can write a letter to yourself, imagine kind
這本書是以此為基礎的。我讀過這本書，這是我讀過最有影響力的書之一。
of your greatness, like step into that power. Imagine your greatness in 5 years because it's there. It's like you have all the answers within within you, inside you. Do that exercise and I think
這也是他們推薦的框架之一，關於如何設計你真正想要的生活。
you'll you'll learn some things about yourself that you might not realize like this very second.
叫做「奧德賽計劃」。
>> Should be a motivational speaker. >> That was really good, >> isn't it? I I believe in I think these exercises are so helpful for mindset.
所以奧德賽計劃基本上是你生活可能走向的三種不同版本。
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. and feeling grounded and realizing what you want. Yeah.
第一個是你目前的路徑，如果你繼續做你正在做的事情，未來會是什麼樣子。
>> Okay. And the very last part is just some really quick practical steps to stop settling.
第二個是你的替代路徑。如果你目前的道路消失了，你會做什麼？
>> You don't need to blow up your entire life, but you do need to start listening to your intuition and your gut. And you could do this with just starting with
第三個是如果金錢和別人的看法不重要，你會做什麼？
micro moves. It doesn't have to be a huge thing. So, you can book an exploratory call or ask yourself these uncomfortable questions from the mini exercises or, you know, spend an hour
這是一個非常非常有趣的練習。我做過好幾次。
acting like the version of yourself who knows exactly what she wants. I think if you're watching this episode and you decided to open this up, like I think
在你寫下每個計劃之後，你要給它打分。
your gut already knows that you are settling in some part of your life. Let this episode give you permission to do something about it. Like I think it's
從四個維度打分：資源、喜好、信心和一致性。
even worse to just sit back, feel that you're settling, know that you're settling, and literally not do anything about it. Like take one of these many exercises. Maybe it's 5 minutes, maybe
資源是指你有多少資源來執行這個計劃。
it's 10 minutes. Like think about it, and then do something to then kind of bring yourself like give yourself a little momentum to like take the first
喜好是你有多喜歡這個想法。
step to get unstuck and then to stop settling. I'm gonna give the listeners a little bit of grace actually and say that like a lot of times sometimes I
信心是你對成功的信心有多大。
think the hardest thing to do is actually admit to yourself that you're settling. Like I think for me that's a step that took years in some cases perhaps.
一致性是這與你的價值觀和身份有多一致。
>> And so I think if that's something that you haven't even done yet, that might be the most important thing that you can do that is sort of the the output or the
這真的能幫助你看清你真正想要什麼。
next step of this episode, right? like actually admit it to yourself and like fully embody that and then like bookmark the episode. Come back to the episode in
因為有時候你的第二或第三選項實際上得分比你的第一選項更高。
a few days or a week or once you've like really settled with that sort of realization in your body, come back to the episode and then do all the mini exercises.
這就是有趣的地方。這告訴你一些關於你自己的事情。
>> What is this? Good cop, bad cop. Why did I have Why did I have to give the tough love and then you have to give the nice advice?
所以如果你感覺卡住了或者你在委曲求全，試試這個練習。
>> Next time I'll give tough love. >> Okay, >> let's just our styles. You're mean and I'm nice.
它可能會給你一些你從未考慮過的新見解。
>> No. He and so I mean be that as it may like yes I was just the good cop but I do still want to say and give some realism here
是的，我認為這真的很有幫助，因為有時候我們會陷入認為只有一條路的陷阱。
that like think about yourself in a year in 5 years in 10 years if you're looking back and you're like hey I'm still in the same place in this specific area
但實際上有很多可能性和路徑。
that I feel like I've been settling. Would you be happy with yourself? No.
這只是關於願意去探索它們。
Right? So take whatever first step it is for you, whether it's actually acknowledging to yourself that you're settling or doing all these mini exercises and taking the action to break
好的，讓我們做一個快速回顧。我們今天涵蓋了什麼？
out of your sort of settling mode and and do it today. I think the scariest thing is a future of regret, regret for having not done something. So I think
首先，我們談了如何識別你是否在委曲求全。
today is probably the day to like if you feel like you are stuck or you are settling like do something today. take that first step so that you don't feel
那些跡象包括：感覺精疲力竭、對工作失去興趣、合理化你的處境。
that regret in the next year, in five years, and in 10 years. And honestly, with with hard things like getting unstuck, it's not going to be easy. It's
接下來，我們談了委曲求全的隱藏成本。
going to get like life gets hard when you make a big change in your life. Life gets harder before it gets easier. If you need to go through a breakup, going
當你為「夠好」的東西妥協時，你錯過的機會。
through that process, going through a breakup, life sucks for a little bit and then it gets easier. If you're changing jobs, >> life sucks for a little bit and then it
然後我們介紹了奧德賽計劃框架來幫助你找到前進的道路。
gets easier. And so I realize it is going to be hard, but that's something you should confront now because in the next year, 5 years, 10 years, you won't regret it.
最後，我們談了付諸行動並做出那些有意義的改變。
>> Thank you for that, Sheree. >> And don't do this alone. A lot of people, well, Gene and I have like personal board of adviserss so that like when we're, you know, having these
希望這對你有幫助。如果你覺得有用，請訂閱並留下評論。
existential questions which are pretty hard to answer, like you can call someone up, call a friend up, have this conversation with them. And also, as we said before, we read every single
我們真的很感謝你們所有的支持。
comment. And we'd love to see, you know, some of you guys move through these mini exercises, any questions that you guys have, and how you're thinking through these things, and we'll read through
下次再見。照顧好自己。
them and try to answer as many as possible.
再見！
>> Yeah. Treat the comment section like your board of adviserss.
確保點擊訂閱按鈕，打開通知鈴鐺。
>> True. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode of the Tiger Sisters.
這樣你就不會錯過我們的任何新內容。
If you found it helpful, please make sure to like, comment, and subscribe.
我們每週發布新影片。
And when you subscribe, you get notified when a new episode is released.
感謝觀看！
>> Yes. And if you have some friends who you think they might be settling or playing small or not selling at all, but you just want to share Tiger Sisters
我們下次見。
with them, then please share this episode with them. And we'd so appreciate it if you can give us a five-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It takes literally 3 seconds
別忘了查看我們的其他影片。
and it helps Tiger sisters get discovered. >> Yes. And if you have 10 seconds, actually write a review because I've heard that those also make a huge difference in people deciding to listen
連結在描述中。
to the episodes. Thanks, guys. We'll see you next time.
下次再見！
>> Thanks. Bye.
保重！
點擊句子跳轉到對應位置
Let's be real. You might be settling right now in your job, in your career, in your relationship, and even in your own potential. And the worst part, you
說真的。你現在可能正在將就，在你的工作、你的職業、你的關係，甚至是你自己的潛力上。最糟糕的是，你
might not even know it. We both have more than once. And today, we're going to talk about how to know if you're settling, why high achieving women do it
可能甚至不知道。我們兩個都有過不止一次。今天，我們要談談如何知道你是否在將就，為什麼高成就女性更
more often than you think, and men, and how to get out of it without blowing up your entire life. Settling isn't failure, but staying there once you know better. That is yikes.
常這樣做，比你想的更頻繁，還有男性，以及如何在不毀掉你整個生活的情況下走出來。將就不是失敗，但一旦你知道更好的還留在那裡。那就是糟糕。
If you're listening to this, it's probably not by accident. Your gut is trying to tell you something, and we're here to help you listen to it. As
如果你在聽這個，這可能不是偶然。你的直覺正在試圖告訴你一些事情，我們在這裡幫助你傾聽它。一如
always, in this episode, we have a bunch of mini exercises so you can take the learnings and apply them directly to your life. And we also have case studies
既往，在這一集中，我們有很多迷你練習，這樣你可以把學到的東西直接應用到你的生活中。我們還有案例研究
like we did at Harvard Business School and Stanford GSB. I'm Jean. I'm Sheree.
就像我們在哈佛商學院和史丹佛 GSB 做的那樣。我是 Jean。我是 Sheree。
And we're the Tiger Sisters. >> We are your Wall Street and Silicon Valley big sisters. And we're a top 10 business podcast on Spotify where we talk about money, power, and love.
我們是 Tiger Sisters。我們是你的華爾街和矽穀大姐姐。我們是 Spotify 上前 10 名的商業播客，談論金錢、權力和愛情。
>> Honestly, I know this episode can be very hard to hear and to listen to. And if you do in your heart of hearts know that you are settling, I empathize with
老實說，我知道這一集可能很難聽。如果你內心深處知道你正在將就，我對你感同身受。
you. It is not an easy feeling to come to terms with. It's actually so uncomfortable and so weird. And so in listening to all of this, we are here
這不是一個容易接受的感覺。這其實很不舒服、很奇怪。所以在聽所有這些時，我們與
with you. But we do have some tough love for you guys. The first thing we're going to talk about is the symptoms of settling. Yeah. I think a lot of times
你同在。但我們確實有一些嚴厲的愛給你們。我們要講的第一件事是將就的症狀。是的。我認為很多時候
people think settling is something that's like really dramatic and when you're in it, you feel terrible. But it doesn't always feel like straight misery. Sometimes you just feel fine.
人們認為將就是非常戲劇性的，當你身在其中時，你會感覺很糟糕。但它不總是感覺像是徹底的痛苦。有時候你只是感覺還好。
like you're in a job that you know is going fine or you're dating someone that looks perfect on paper but it's not actually great or you're shrinking yourself to keep the peace. It's fine.
比如你在一份你知道還好的工作，或者你在約會一個書面上看起來完美但實際上不是很好的人，或者你在委屈自己來保持和平。還好。
Everything's fine. According to a Harvard Business Review article, 85% of people worldwide feel actively disengaged at work. And that's not just burnout. That's people waking up, going through the motions, and
一切都好。根據《哈佛商業評論》的一篇文章，全球 85% 的人感覺在工作中積極脫離。這不只是倦怠。這是人們醒來、例行公事、然後
calling it a career. >> And that's settling. Mhm. Yeah. I think that's very common for people. Um they basically choose something that's comfortable, which is kind of the equivalent of settling, but they don't
稱之為職業。那就是將就。嗯。是的。我認為這對人們來說非常普遍。嗯，他們基本上選擇一些舒適的東西，這有點相當於將就，但他們不
realize they're kind of killing off their future self.
意識到他們有點在扼殺他們的未來自我。
>> Is that dramatic? >> Kind of. That's very dramatic.
這是不是太戲劇化了？有點。這非常戲劇化。
>> But it's kind of true. If you're like looking back on yourself at times when you were settling, don't you feel like, oh, what was I doing? I was I almost
但這有點真實。如果你回顧你將就的那些時候，你不覺得，哦，我在做什麼？我幾乎
like closed off this whole amazing life that I have for myself >> if I kept going in that path.
關閉了這整個我可以擁有的美好生活，如果我繼續走那條路。
>> So, how can you figure out if you're settling then?
那麼，你怎麼能弄清楚你是否在將就呢？
>> So, the mini exercise is think about where you are today and if you were to continue in this path for the next 12 months, would you be happy with where
所以，迷你練習是想想你今天在哪裡，如果你在接下來的 12 個月繼續走這條路，你會對你
you end up? And if the answer is no, or if you just feel yourself kind of like shrinking away from the answer and unhappy with it, that means you're
最終到達的地方感到高興嗎？如果答案是否定的，或者你只是感覺自己有點從答案中退縮並且對此不高興，那就意味著你在
settling. Okay, so now that we've talked about how to know if you're settling, we're going to talk about why women and men settle. So, high achieving people, especially women, are trained to endure.
將就。好的，現在我們已經談了如何知道你是否在將就，我們要談談為什麼女性和男性會將就。所以，高成就的人，特別是女性，被訓練去忍耐。
We're trained to not want too much, to be grateful, and to wait our turn. And we end up internalizing that.
我們被訓練成不要要太多，要感恩，要等待我們的輪到。我們最終把這些內化了。
>> Oh, yeah. And there are so many studies that support this. So, the one that comes to mind for me is most recently in 2020, Stanford did this study about
哦，是的。有很多研究支持這一點。所以，我想到的是最近在 2020 年，史丹佛做了這個研究關於
women and um basically how they put themselves up for promotion or how they don't put themselves up for promotion.
女性以及基本上她們如何為晉升推薦自己或她們如何不為晉升推薦自己。
So, the takeaway is that women in leadership consistently underestimate their readiness for promotion even though objectively for all the women in the study, they actually were outperforming their male peers.
所以，結論是領導層的女性始終低估她們晉升的準備程度，即使客觀上在研究中的所有女性實際上都表現優於她們的男性同事。
>> So, it's not just lack of opportunity for women. A lot of times it's more so this sense of lack of self-belief which is also reinforced by our existing patriarchal systems.
所以，對女性來說，這不只是缺乏機會。很多時候更多的是這種缺乏自信的感覺，這也被我們現有的父權制系統強化了。
>> Yeah. And I think the really hard part about that and especially about hearing that study is that settling isn't always like a dramatic thing that you see in
是的。我認為關於那個和特別是聽到那個研究真正困難的部分是將就不總是你在
the workplace or in your personal life. It can feel like a like steady drift into settling and not realizing that you're there until you're actually there.
工作場所或你個人生活中看到的戲劇性的事情。它可以感覺像是穩定地漂向將就，直到你真正到了那裡才意識到你在那裡。
>> Right. I feel like that's actually why it's even more dangerous and like Yeah.
對。我覺得這其實是為什麼它更危險，而且像是的。
It's like insidious. Like you don't realize you're settling until you watch this episode and and we ask you, "Are you settling?" >> Yeah. And it's like an also an uncomfortable thing like an
這就像是陰險的。你不會意識到你在將就，直到你看了這一集，然後我們問你：「你在將就嗎？」是的。而且這也是一個不舒服的事情，一個
uncomfortable conversation to have with your friends too because I think from the outside if you see one of your friends settling in the workplace or in their like personal lives in a
和你的朋友進行的不舒服的對話，因為我認為從外面看，如果你看到你的一個朋友在職場或在他們的個人生活中的
relationship, it's also a really hard thing to call out. So I don't think it's like talked about.
關係中將就，這也是一件很難指出的事情。所以我不認為這會被談論。
>> No way. No one would ever call someone out for settling.
不可能。沒有人會因為將就而指出別人。
>> I mean, it's even like a harder It's even a hard conversation to have with yourself.
我是說，這甚至是一個更難的...這甚至是一個很難和自己進行的對話。
>> Yeah. >> It actually reminds me of this concept called value drift. And it's this concept that people slowly disconnect with what really matters to them and they don't even realize it, but they're
是的。這其實讓我想起了一個叫做價值漂移的概念。這個概念是人們慢慢地與真正對他們重要的事情斷開聯繫，他們甚至沒有意識到，但他們
feeling all these side effects, which are burnout, resentment, and loss of identity.
感受到所有這些副作用，就是倦怠、怨恨和身份的喪失。
>> So, have you ever called me out on settling before?
那麼，你有沒有因為將就而指出過我？
>> Not that I can remember, but it seems like you. Well, I mean, not not like explicitly, but I feel like I've always like pushed you to do more than you
我記不得了，但看起來像你。嗯，我是說，不是明確地，但我覺得我一直推動你做比你
thought you wanted to do at times, right?
認為你想做的更多的事情，對吧？
>> But that's not settling. I feel like that's me not knowing my potential >> or understanding my potential and you widening my horizons. I don't settle.
但那不是將就。我覺得那是我不了解我的潛力或理解我的潛力，而你在拓寬我的視野。我不將就。
>> I'm just kidding. Like sometime I have in relationships when I didn't realize that like like I thought this was a good thing on paper but then like you know in
我只是開玩笑。像是有時候我在關係中，當我沒有意識到這在紙面上是一件好事，但實際上
reality it wasn't exactly what I needed or wanted.
這不完全是我需要或想要的。
>> Yeah. But did I ever call you out? I I can think of one time I sort of called you out for settling.
是的。但我有沒有指出過你？我能想到一次我有點因為將就而指出你。
>> Okay. Would you Okay. I'm nervous. >> Well, no. It was when, maybe this is again back to the potential thing, but it was when after you had gotten into Stanford GSB
好的。你會...好的。我很緊張。嗯，不是。是當，也許這又回到潛力的事情，但那是當你進入史丹佛 GSB 之後
>> and you had already left LinkedIn and you had the whole summer and I was like and you had that job offer to work at Bane Capital Ventures
你已經離開 LinkedIn，你有整個夏天，然後我就像，你有那個在 Bane Capital Ventures 工作的工作邀約
>> which I was like hello this is incredible and you're like well I don't know like I I was planning to just >> create content.
我就像天哪這太不可思議了，然後你說好吧我不知道我本來計劃只是...創作內容。
>> Yes. >> I wanted to pursue my content career full-time.
是的。我想全職追求我的內容事業。
>> I thought you were just going to hang.
我以為你只是想放鬆。
No. Well, I wanted to create content full-time before school started to like experiment and see if that was a viable career path. Lo and behold, here we are.
不是。嗯，我想在學校開始之前全職創作內容來實驗，看看這是否是一個可行的職業道路。看，我們現在在這裡。
>> But I think my take at the time was I was like, well, this is an incredible way to create content. Like once you have this internship as a VC intern,
但我認為當時我的看法是，這是一個創作內容的絕佳方式。一旦你有了這個作為 VC 實習生的實習，
like what an amazing way to, you know, show show everyone in the world like what it's like to do this.
這是一個多麼好的方式來，你知道，向世界上每個人展示做這個是什麼感覺。
>> Yeah. No, I think that's that's as close to calling me out as possible.
是的。不，我認為那是最接近指出我的了。
>> Have you ever called me out? Yeah, I have. Do Do you know what I'm gonna say?
你有沒有指出過我？是的，我有。你知道我要說什麼嗎？
>> No, >> maybe. I don't know. >> I've only called Gan out once in her life.
不知道，也許知道。我不知道。我一生中只指出過 Gan 一次。
>> Oh, >> yeah. Honestly, for settling. Um, and it was with her last relationship.
哦，是的。老實說，因為將就。嗯，是和她的上一段關係。
>> If you see a friend or someone you care about who is settling, it is. And the reason why I said it's a hard conversation is cuz it's really hard
如果你看到一個朋友或你關心的人正在將就，這是...我說這是一個困難的對話的原因是因為真的很難
because one, you don't want them to feel any resentment for you for bringing something up that might be like a really hard truth to swallow, >> especially when it's a type one
因為一，你不想讓他們因為你提出一些可能是很難接受的真相而對你產生怨恨，特別是當這是一個
irreversible decision, which we talked about on one of our other episodes.
不可逆轉的一型決定，我們在我們的另一集中談過這個。
>> Yeah. So, it was in our last relationship where I I saw some things, I observed some things, and I wanted to bring it up to Jean. Um, and I did and
是的。所以，這是在我的上一段關係中，我看到了一些事情，我觀察到了一些事情，我想向 Jean 提出來。嗯，我提了，而且
only like maybe once or twice. It wasn't something I brought up on a weekly basis because I knew how the importance and the weight of my words and how to
只是可能一兩次。這不是我每週都提的事情，因為我知道我的話的重要性和分量，以及如何
navigate the situation very carefully. >> Um, so I did bring up and settling wasn't quite how I phrased it, but that's how I felt in the bottom of my heart.
非常小心地處理這種情況。嗯，所以我確實提出來了，將就不是我措辭的方式，但那是我內心深處的感覺。
>> Yeah. >> So I brought it up to you and >> how do you phrase it? I don't remember.
是的。所以我向你提出來了，你是怎麼措辭的？我不記得了。
>> Well, I was just like, I'm really concerned. This is coming from a place of concern. I see some things after like you know observing time spent with you
嗯，我只是說，我真的很擔心。這是出於擔心。在觀察了你和
and this other person and here are some things that I just don't think are are good objectively as your sister as objective as I can be and I think you
這個另一個人相處的時間之後，我看到了一些事情，這裡有一些事情我只是認為客觀上不好，作為你的姐姐盡可能客觀地說，我認為你
deserve more and better and it was really really tough for me to say and I think even tougher for you to hear especially because if your friend or your loved one is settling it's
值得更多更好的，這對我來說真的很難說，我認為對你來說聽起來更難，特別是因為如果你的朋友或你愛的人正在將就
and you want to bring it up you don't one you don't want to be wrong you know and Like >> yeah.
而你想提出來，你一不想說錯，你知道，而且像是的。
>> Yeah. Like if you tell like a friend you're like I think you're settling with the person that you're about to marry and they end up marrying that person and
是的。就像如果你告訴一個朋友你說我認為你和你即將結婚的那個人在將就，然後他們最終嫁給了那個人，
like you have to go to the wedding and see them.
你必須去參加婚禮並見到他們。
>> That was a close one. That was a close one. We did get engaged.
那是危險的。那是危險的。我們確實訂婚了。
>> Yeah. But like that's also just not easy in it of itself. Like that's not a good conversation or like a fun conversation to have.
是的。但那本身也不容易。那不是一個好的對話或有趣的對話。
>> But I also think it's also kind of saying like not that I don't trust you but I you might have a blind spot. Mhm.
但我也認為這也是在說不是我不信任你，但你可能有盲點。嗯。
>> That's what was really hard about it. I trust you to make the decision, but this is something you might not see that I am seeing from the outside.
那是真正困難的地方。我相信你會做出決定，但這是你可能沒有看到的，而我從外面看到了。
>> Yeah. >> That's why it was hard.
是的。這就是為什麼它很難。
>> I mean, it's also hard in general because it's probably something they don't want to confront about themselves.
但我真的很感激你這樣做，我記得當你這樣做的時候，我當時感覺不好但後來我意識到這是出於愛。
I mean, it's it must be >> Yeah.
是的。而且因為我說的這就是為什麼這麼難。
>> Yeah. Fun times. Really fun times. So, yeah, this podcast is real personal.
我認為我們可以進入第三部分了。就是心理學，為什麼我們會將就？是的。讓我們談談這個。我認為
Well, it was a happy ending. >> Yeah.
這在這一集中非常重要，因為我希望你們思考你們自己和反思你們是否認為你們正在將就，而且要非常誠實地面對自己。
>> In the end. >> Yeah. >> And I think another reason why like myself and a lot of people don't actually confront it is because it's been shown that high achievers are very
是的。第一個是人們會因為恐懼而留下來。我們害怕未知。我們害怕風險。我們害怕讓事情變得更糟。
good at rationalizing. >> And so I wrote down some of the lines that people say. So I'm lucky to have this.
第二個是沉沒成本謬誤。我們留下來是因為我們已經投入了。你投入的越多，就越難離開。
>> It's not that bad. Everyone would kill for this job or this relationship.
第三個是外部驗證。
>> Yeah. So, like if you've ever heard yourself saying those those words to yourself or like thinking them in your head, it might be another sign that you're settling and you're not admitting
這是當你在做一些讓其他人高興的事情。也許那是你的父母、你的同事、社會。你可能獲得了頭銜或榮譽，但這不是你真正想要的。
it to yourself yet. >> Yeah. And I think it's really hard. One thing that we talked about a few minutes ago was that like if everything looks
而且它在內部並沒有滿足你。第四個是低自我價值。
good from the outside, like if it looks right on paper, if everything, you know, is like beautiful and like shiny and Instagrammable, >> it's even harder to let that go because
這是當你內心深處不相信你值得更好的時候。你可能沒有意識到這一點，但它會影響你對生活做出的每一個決定。
there's that cognitive dissonance of like it looks good, but it doesn't feel good.
是的。這四個真的很重要。而且我認為有一件事要注意的是將就不總是很大、很明顯或很戲劇化的。
>> Yes. >> And what do other people think and perceive?
有時候它是微妙的。它是安靜的。它隨著時間慢慢發生。而且它可以在你甚至沒有意識到的情況下影響你。
>> Okay. So, I have another example that is not about my love life. It's about my work life.
所以讓我們做一個迷你練習。想想你目前正在做的工作或你正在進行的關係。
>> Can you make it about your love life?
問問自己，我是因為我真正想要這個而留下來還是因為我害怕其他選擇？然後寫下你的答案。這是第一步。
Just kidding. No. So my other example is just my last job where >> you know finally I had worked so hard I had you know worked 15 years in my
好的。現在讓我們談談走出將就。所以第一步是意識。你必須首先認識到你正在將就。這是最難的部分。
career to get to this dream job. So like if you had told me you know 5 years ago 10 years ago that I was going to be the head of product for augmented reality
第二步是清晰度。弄清楚你真正想要什麼。不是你的父母想要什麼，不是社會期望什麼，而是你實際上渴望什麼。
shopping and monetization at Snapchat I would have been like holy like what that's insane. That's my dream job. But like by the time I was like actually in
第三步是勇氣。做出改變需要勇氣。它需要承擔風險。它需要接受不確定性。
that role and in earnest doing that role, I was I was really disengaged by the end like I was >> like 85% of the worldwide population is actively disengaged according to Harvard Business Review.
第四步是行動。你必須實際採取步驟。小步驟算數。
>> But no, it's it was crazy like I I almost couldn't even reconcile it with myself because >> you worked so hard to get there. I worked so hard to get there and then
而且不需要一夜之間發生。但你必須開始行動。
finally I was in this position where honestly I was doing less actual work than I had ever done in my entire life.
是的。我認為這是我們一直說的。進步重於完美。你不需要一下子有完整的答案。
>> Like a lot of my my job was just to like tell people what to do and like you know try to make things happen etc. which is
你只需要開始朝著你想去的方向走。
hard in and of itself but it was less like actual work than I had ever done.
好的。讓我們做另一個迷你練習。想一個你認為你可能在將就的領域。
But I was so tired from it. Like I was so so drained and I couldn't figure out why.
可以是你的工作、你的關係或你生活的任何部分。然後問自己，如果我不再害怕，我會做什麼不同的事情？
>> Yeah. I mean, I think I knew deep down, but again, I wasn't admitting it to myself.
那個答案會告訴你很多關於你真正想要什麼。
>> Yeah. Because of the shiny exterior, because of the title, because of the pay, because of all >> because I'd worked so hard to get there.
這一集由 MBA Mission 贊助。他們為 Tiger Sisters 聽眾提供免費的一對一諮詢。
At >> some cost. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Kind of when you're there, when you've been working so hard to get there and your head's down, it's just like now what?
如果你正在考慮商學院，這是一個很好的資源。去 mbamission.com/consult 並選擇 Tiger Sisters 來預訂你的免費諮詢。
>> Well, and also like in my instance, I felt like I had sort of like defied all the odds to get there, too. Like I felt
好的。我們回來了。讓我們做一個案例研究。我想談談一個從將就中走出來的女性的故事。
like I had to Yeah. like fight tooth and nail and like fight against a lot of things.
所以這是 Indra Nooyi 的故事。她是百事可樂的前 CEO。在她職業生涯早期，她在一家傳統公司工作，她感覺被困住了。
>> The patriarchy being one of them. >> Wasn't gonna say it again, but >> Yeah.
她知道她能做更多。她冒了一個風險，離開去了一家更具創新性的公司。
>> Yeah. >> And we have a mini exercise to help you figure out if you're settling and why.
那個決定改變了她的整個軌跡。她最終成為了百事可樂的 CEO，世界上最有權力的女性之一。
>> So the mini exercise for this section is to complete the sentence. I'm scared to walk away because because when you finish the sentence, your fear will show
關鍵收穫是她認識到她在將就，她有勇氣做出改變，而且她相信自己。
where you've tied your worth. And once you name and label it, it can make it much easier to figure out if you are actually settling. Okay, so next up is
我喜歡那個故事。它表明將就不是永久的。你可以走出來。
the science of why we stay too long.
是的。而且它表明冒險是值得的。
Right after this quick break. Applying to business schools, it's a lot. We know every decision feels high stakes. Where to apply? When to apply, how do you stand out? You're googling everything
好的。讓我們做另一個案例研究。這個是關於一個一開始不知道她在將就的女性。
alone, hoping you're not making a huge mistake. Those months applying to business school, they were some of the most stressful of my life. Having an expert to guide you through the
所以這是 Sara Blakely 的故事，Spanx 的創始人。在她創立 Spanx 之前，她在做她討厭的傳真機銷售工作。
complicated application process, that's a gamecher. And that's why we've partnered with MBA Mission. They're offering Tiger Sisters listeners free personalized one-on-one MBA consultations. You can ask their experts
她不開心，但她沒有意識到她在將就，直到她有了這個把內衣剪掉腳部的想法。
anything and get advice you can use right away. The essays, the interviews, sharpening your own personal narrative.
那個想法變成了一個數十億美元的公司。她意識到她一直在讓自己變小。
Think of them as your own personal counselors to help you with the entire process. They are the leaders in NBA missions consulting and I wish I knew about them when I was applying.
她以為她必須堅持那條道路因為那是預期的。但她找到了勇氣去追求她真正想要的東西。
>> So go to mbammission.com/conult and pick Tiger Sisters in the drop-own menu to claim your free consultation today. Book now before the calendar fills up. Check out the episode
關鍵收穫是有時候你不知道你在將就，直到你發現一些讓你興奮的東西。
description. We have a special discount for Tiger Sisters listeners for MBA missions special on demand platform.
所以保持對新可能性的開放是很重要的。
They have over 25 hours of videos that take you step by step in the application process. All right, now back to our show and we're back. So, let's talk about a
我喜歡那個。它也表明將就並不總是感覺不好。有時候它只是感覺普通。然後當你找到你真正想要的東西時，你意識到那種「普通」實際上是將就。
term called cognitive dissonance, which was first coined in a 1957 Stanford study. And it's about the feeling that you have in your mind and your body when your actions don't align with your
完全正確。所以讓我們談談關係中的將就。因為這是我們收到很多問題的地方。
values. So, when you value growth, but you stay in a job that you hate or a relationship that you know that's not right for you, your body and your brain
是的。關係中的將就可以看起來像是和一個紙面上「完美」但你們沒有真正連結的人在一起。
signals distress. M that's why you get irritable. That's why you have anxiety.
它可以看起來像是留下來因為你投入了時間。或者因為你害怕獨自一人。
It's literally your body telling you something is not right here. Right? And the question of why we stay too long, a lot of it can be answered by the things
是的。而且它也可以看起來像是為了保持和平而讓自己變小。
we've talked about already. So fear of regret, some cost fallacy and external validation like everyone thinks this job is so amazing. Like everyone thinks my relationship is so great. Those are like
這些都是關係中將就的跡象。
the main reasons. So, one way to think about it, if you're afraid of leaving, what if you were afraid of staying? It could be much more scary or dangerous in the long term.
所以讓我們做一個迷你練習。如果你在一段關係中，問問自己這些問題。
So, next we have another mini exercise and I'm really excited about this one.
第一：我在這段關係中感覺完全是我自己嗎？第二：我的伴侶激勵我成為更好的人嗎？
Okay, so this one is to rate your alignment on a scale of 1 to 10 in three different areas: career, relationships, and your personal identity. And anything
第三：如果我今天遇到我的伴侶，我還會選擇他們嗎？
under a seven is actually a beige to red flag to sort of re-evaluate that area.
如果你對這些問題中的任何一個回答不是，這可能是一個跡象表明你在將就。
This is actually something that I do quite often. It's not like a monthly activity, but maybe like every I try to do it every 3 months or every quarter
這些是很難問自己的問題。但它們很重要。
just to feel like to ask myself like am I in sync with what's going on in my life? Is everything like in homeostasis?
是的。因為你值得一段讓你快樂的關係。
And oftentimes the answer is no. Like sometimes I'm feeling like you know in my relationship I'm not like 100 I'm not like 10 out of 10. If I am a seven out
讓我們談談在工作中將就。這是另一個我們收到很多問題的領域。
of 10 like then I like I'm like wait why do I even feel that way? Like what is the reason? And I can dig deeper >> too. Excuse me.
是的。在工作中將就可以看起來像是待在一份不再挑戰你的工作中。它可以是接受晉升的少於你應得的。
>> God bless you. And I can dig deeper if I have like the mental capacity to the time to and the willingness to. And that's okay if I don't write at that
或者它可以是在一個文化不適合你或對你有毒的公司。
point but it's just making sure I ask myself.
是的。而且我認為在工作中將就最棘手的部分是它常常隱藏在「感恩」的語言背後。
>> Excuse me. >> She can dig deeper. dig deeper.
像是「我應該感恩我有一份工作」或「至少它薪水不錯」。
>> I didn't I didn't realize you did it so often.
這些可能是真的，但它們也可以成為不追求你真正想要的藉口。
>> Yeah. >> You must be in the like top 1% of people who are >> probably like re-evaluating themselves if you do it every quarter.
所以讓我們做一個工作相關的迷你練習。問問自己這些問題。
>> Yeah, >> that's a lot. >> But I don't >> you don't even need this many exercise.
第一：我在學習和成長嗎？第二：我因為我的貢獻被認可嗎？
>> It sounds like a lot, but it doesn't have to be a lot. It doesn't have to be like you sit down for like an hour and a
第三：如果我今天得到這個工作邀約，我會興奮地接受嗎？
half and like journal for all that time and meditate. No, it's kind of just like asking yourself like, am I happy in my career right now? And like being okay
如果你對這些問題中的任何一個回答不是，可能是時候重新評估了。
that like the answer can be no. Yes.
這些是好問題。我認為有時候我們被困在例行公事中，我們忘記問自己這些問題。
>> And it doesn't have to be like yes, I'm so happy all the time. Like life is great. Like it's okay that the answer is no. But then asking yourself afterwards
是的。這就是為什麼定期和自己進行這些對話很重要。
like a follow-up like why is it no? Like >> are there things that I can cuz I want to be happy. Are there things that I can do
好的。讓我們談談如何停止將就。我們有五個步驟。
>> to make it better for myself? Are there things that are within my control or is it out of my control or is this seasonal? It's okay to ask those
第一步：承認你在將就。這是第一步也是最難的一步。
questions and like have an answer that you're not satisfied with, >> right?
第二步：弄清楚你真正想要什麼。寫下來。
>> So, just like the mini exercise I just described >> that that's what I'm saying. I like doing that.
第三步：識別阻礙你的是什麼。是恐懼嗎？是沉沒成本嗎？是外部驗證嗎？
>> Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, it's something you are already doing. Yeah.
第四步：制定一個計劃。小步驟算數。
>> As a practice in your life. >> Yeah.
第五步：採取行動。你不需要一次做所有事情。但你需要開始。
>> Okay. So, now we've talked about the symptoms of settling, why people settle, and why we stay for too long. Now, let's talk about how to know if it's actually
我喜歡這五個步驟。它們清晰且可行。
time to move on. And we'll get started right after this break. Quick pause.
是的。關鍵是行動。你可以整天想著不將就，但如果你不採取行動，什麼都不會改變。
Tiger fam, this is Sheree and we just dropped a brand new listener survey.
好的。讓我們談談支持系統。因為一個人很難做到這些。
It's different from the audience survey that you hopefully already filled out.
是的。有一個支持你的人很重要。那可以是朋友、家人、教練或治療師。
It's 10 quick questions and 2 minutes max. Your support keeps the episodes free and publishing weekly. Why? Because your answers tell future sponsors that Tiger Sisters is a show worth investing
這些人可以幫助你看到你的盲點。他們可以在事情變得困難時鼓勵你。
in. That means better partners, stronger episodes, and no random ads you don't care about. Tap the listener survey link in the description right after this episode. knock it out and help us keep
是的。而且他們可以讓你負責任。
building a podcast that feels made for you. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being the best part of Tiger Sisters. Now, back to the show. So, you
這很重要。因為改變是困難的。有一個支持你並讓你負責任的人讓它變得更容易。
know it's time to move on when you ask yourself these three questions. The first is, does this version of me only exist to serve other people's comfort?
所以讓我們做一個關於支持系統的迷你練習。
>> The second is, am I becoming someone that I admire? And the third is, would the woman I want to be say yes to this?
想想你生命中的人。誰是支持你成長並會說實話的人？
>> These are pretty intense questions. >> They're big questions.
寫下三個名字。然後考慮本週聯繫他們中的一個。
>> Yeah. And what if the answer is no?
這是一個很好的練習。有時候我們有這些人在我們的生活中但我們沒有充分利用他們。
>> Then you have your answer. And I think that's a very good thing to understand about yourself. These are not questions, I think, to shy away from. It's scary,
是的。而且有時候我們需要尋找新的支持。這也沒關係。
but it's only you for the better that you know. Mhm. And actually, we have this great case study about someone that I think she probably asked herselves these questions, and it's about Reese
好的。讓我們來結束一些最後的想法。
Witherspoon, who founded Hollow Sunshine, which is a company that we really look up to, and we think that, you know, Tiger Sisters can eventually be >> in that ilk. But the story behind Reese
首先，將就不是失敗。每個人都會在某個時候將就。重要的是你一旦意識到它就做些什麼。
is that she obviously was this incredibly talented and super commercially successful actor. And she kind of sort of like threw that all away to start Hello Sunshine because she
第二，你值得更好的。你值得一份你喜歡的職業、讓你快樂的關係，以及充實的生活。
wanted to create roles and wanted to work with people that were telling stories that she cared about. So like mostly women.
第三，小步驟算數。你不需要一夜之間改變一切。只要開始走向你想要的東西。
>> Yeah. And I really love the story of Hello Sunshine. One because it's super successful now. So, it's like fun to look at a success story, but also that it was born out of
我喜歡這些最後的想法。它們給人希望和可行性。
>> kind of like a problem that broke her heart in the way that like there weren't roles that she was getting that she wanted to play. And so, if that's not in
是的。我們希望這一集能幫助你認識到你可能在將就的地方，並給你開始做出改變的工具。
the environment that she's in, she created an environment and created a game that she wanted to play herself.
如果你喜歡這一集，請訂閱 Tiger Sisters 播客。它真的幫助我們。
And I think that's so cool. >> Yeah. So, she was like, I want to create this version of Hollywood that I want to be in. Yeah.
而且如果你知道有人需要聽這一集，請與他們分享。
>> Like she was like, "We're getting away from >> the place that I want to work." >> Yeah. She was anti-settling.
是的。分享就是關愛。而且它幫助我們發展我們的社區。
>> Yeah. >> You know, she she like realized that it was not what she wanted and she did something really big about it and created like a massively successful studio.
感謝收聽。我們下次見。
>> Yeah. It actually reminds me of this other like concept I'll just talk about really quickly, which is that this idea of like zone of excellence versus zone
拜拜。
of genius. So, she obviously was in her zone of excellence because she was an award-winning actor, but she wasn't in her zone of genius because she wasn't doing something that she really like
她的天才之處。所以，她顯然處於她的卓越區，因為她是獲獎演員，但是
cared about and wanted to dedicate her life to.
她在乎並想要奉獻一生的事情。
>> So, she sort of like threw it all away >> and started a new doing something she had never done before. Be a founder, be a producer, be a director.
所以，她某種程度上放棄了一切，開始做一些她從未做過的事情。
>> It's really incredible. Mhm. And on this idea of zone of excellence, I think it sounds like a good thing, but it can be quietly like nefarious because if you
真的很不可思議。嗯。關於卓越區這個概念，我覺得它聽起來像是好事。
are really good at something >> and it looks shiny kind of like we were saying before, shiny and good on the outside, you're like excelling in a field that other people are looking up
你真的很擅長某件事，而且它看起來很光鮮，就像我們之前說的，光鮮亮麗又好看。
to you for, but if you do not feel fulfilled or feel like you are in your zone of genius at the same time, it can be really easy to then settle. One quote
為你帶來認可，但如果你沒有感到滿足，或者同時沒有感覺自己處於天才區。
I like is, "Sometimes power means letting go of the thing you've built to build something even bigger." And I think the reason I like it is because I
我喜歡的是：「有時候力量意味著放手你所建立的東西，去建立更大的東西。」
feel like it's about me. I feel like that's what I've done. Like I sort of threw away this 15-year long really successful corporate career to start
感覺像是在說我。我覺得那就是我做的事。我某種程度上放棄了這15年的...
over with just the two of us and build this thing that I've never done before.
從頭開始，只有我們兩個，建立這個我從未做過的事情。
Like I'd never been on camera before this. Hopefully I'm doing okay job.
比如我以前從來沒有上過鏡頭。希望我做得還可以。
Leave a comment below. Please give her success. Like give her comments.
在下面留言。請給她成功。給她評論吧。
>> She's always fishing for compliments. Compliments and comments on how she's, you know, doing well.
她總是在尋求讚美。讚美和評論關於她做得多好。
>> They mean a lot and she reads all of them. Honestly, >> I really do.
它們意義重大，她會讀所有的。老實說，我真的會讀。
>> She needs the help with the validation.
她需要認可的幫助。
>> I do the validation. But yeah, that's what it really resonates with me that one.
我確實需要認可。但是，那個真的很能引起我的共鳴。
>> So the last mini exercise for this video is to write a letter to yourself, but imagine that it's coming from you 5 years in the future. What did she have
總之那是關於如何辨識你是否在委曲求全。
to let go of to become who she is now?
現在讓我們談談如何解決這個問題，如果你決定你確實需要做出改變。
And I really like this exercise. This is just like write a mini letter. It doesn't have to be long. I've done a couple of like um meditation and like manifestation exercises.
因為我覺得這真的很難做到，即使你已經承認了。
>> Oh >> yes. Where I literally like close my eyes and I imagine myself in the future.
是的，在認識到你正在委曲求全之後，接下來是什麼？這是最難的部分。
I imagine what I look like. I imagine the house that I'm in I'm in. It's an amazing exercise and it was a guided meditation and it like made me like
因為你可能會想，好吧，我知道我在委曲求全，但現在怎麼辦？
burst out into tears because your future self is asking your current your wait so your current self is asking your future self a bunch of questions and future me
這就是我想引入重新設計你的人生這個概念的地方。
is so knowledgeable. She's so calm and >> she's amazing skin, >> confident.
這實際上是一本書的名字，叫做《做自己的生命設計師》，作者是 Bill Burnett 和 Dave Evans。
And it's really powerful to do this exercise because then you can kind of see what can be if you are not afraid of going out of your comfort zone and
他們是史丹佛大學教授，教授這門課程，它非常受歡迎，以至於成為史丹佛最受歡迎的課程。
doing, you know, the hard reflections that we've kind of prompted you guys to do in this video. So I think if you can write a letter to yourself, imagine kind
這本書是以此為基礎的。我讀過這本書，這是我讀過最有影響力的書之一。
of your greatness, like step into that power. Imagine your greatness in 5 years because it's there. It's like you have all the answers within within you, inside you. Do that exercise and I think
這也是他們推薦的框架之一，關於如何設計你真正想要的生活。
you'll you'll learn some things about yourself that you might not realize like this very second.
叫做「奧德賽計劃」。
>> Should be a motivational speaker. >> That was really good, >> isn't it? I I believe in I think these exercises are so helpful for mindset.
所以奧德賽計劃基本上是你生活可能走向的三種不同版本。
>> Yeah. >> Yeah. and feeling grounded and realizing what you want. Yeah.
第一個是你目前的路徑，如果你繼續做你正在做的事情，未來會是什麼樣子。
>> Okay. And the very last part is just some really quick practical steps to stop settling.
第二個是你的替代路徑。如果你目前的道路消失了，你會做什麼？
>> You don't need to blow up your entire life, but you do need to start listening to your intuition and your gut. And you could do this with just starting with
第三個是如果金錢和別人的看法不重要，你會做什麼？
micro moves. It doesn't have to be a huge thing. So, you can book an exploratory call or ask yourself these uncomfortable questions from the mini exercises or, you know, spend an hour
這是一個非常非常有趣的練習。我做過好幾次。
acting like the version of yourself who knows exactly what she wants. I think if you're watching this episode and you decided to open this up, like I think
在你寫下每個計劃之後，你要給它打分。
your gut already knows that you are settling in some part of your life. Let this episode give you permission to do something about it. Like I think it's
從四個維度打分：資源、喜好、信心和一致性。
even worse to just sit back, feel that you're settling, know that you're settling, and literally not do anything about it. Like take one of these many exercises. Maybe it's 5 minutes, maybe
資源是指你有多少資源來執行這個計劃。
it's 10 minutes. Like think about it, and then do something to then kind of bring yourself like give yourself a little momentum to like take the first
喜好是你有多喜歡這個想法。
step to get unstuck and then to stop settling. I'm gonna give the listeners a little bit of grace actually and say that like a lot of times sometimes I
信心是你對成功的信心有多大。
think the hardest thing to do is actually admit to yourself that you're settling. Like I think for me that's a step that took years in some cases perhaps.
一致性是這與你的價值觀和身份有多一致。
>> And so I think if that's something that you haven't even done yet, that might be the most important thing that you can do that is sort of the the output or the
這真的能幫助你看清你真正想要什麼。
next step of this episode, right? like actually admit it to yourself and like fully embody that and then like bookmark the episode. Come back to the episode in
因為有時候你的第二或第三選項實際上得分比你的第一選項更高。
a few days or a week or once you've like really settled with that sort of realization in your body, come back to the episode and then do all the mini exercises.
這就是有趣的地方。這告訴你一些關於你自己的事情。
>> What is this? Good cop, bad cop. Why did I have Why did I have to give the tough love and then you have to give the nice advice?
所以如果你感覺卡住了或者你在委曲求全，試試這個練習。
>> Next time I'll give tough love. >> Okay, >> let's just our styles. You're mean and I'm nice.
它可能會給你一些你從未考慮過的新見解。
>> No. He and so I mean be that as it may like yes I was just the good cop but I do still want to say and give some realism here
是的，我認為這真的很有幫助，因為有時候我們會陷入認為只有一條路的陷阱。
that like think about yourself in a year in 5 years in 10 years if you're looking back and you're like hey I'm still in the same place in this specific area
但實際上有很多可能性和路徑。
that I feel like I've been settling. Would you be happy with yourself? No.
這只是關於願意去探索它們。
Right? So take whatever first step it is for you, whether it's actually acknowledging to yourself that you're settling or doing all these mini exercises and taking the action to break
好的，讓我們做一個快速回顧。我們今天涵蓋了什麼？
out of your sort of settling mode and and do it today. I think the scariest thing is a future of regret, regret for having not done something. So I think
首先，我們談了如何識別你是否在委曲求全。
today is probably the day to like if you feel like you are stuck or you are settling like do something today. take that first step so that you don't feel
那些跡象包括：感覺精疲力竭、對工作失去興趣、合理化你的處境。
that regret in the next year, in five years, and in 10 years. And honestly, with with hard things like getting unstuck, it's not going to be easy. It's
接下來，我們談了委曲求全的隱藏成本。
going to get like life gets hard when you make a big change in your life. Life gets harder before it gets easier. If you need to go through a breakup, going
當你為「夠好」的東西妥協時，你錯過的機會。
through that process, going through a breakup, life sucks for a little bit and then it gets easier. If you're changing jobs, >> life sucks for a little bit and then it
然後我們介紹了奧德賽計劃框架來幫助你找到前進的道路。
gets easier. And so I realize it is going to be hard, but that's something you should confront now because in the next year, 5 years, 10 years, you won't regret it.
最後，我們談了付諸行動並做出那些有意義的改變。
>> Thank you for that, Sheree. >> And don't do this alone. A lot of people, well, Gene and I have like personal board of adviserss so that like when we're, you know, having these
希望這對你有幫助。如果你覺得有用，請訂閱並留下評論。
existential questions which are pretty hard to answer, like you can call someone up, call a friend up, have this conversation with them. And also, as we said before, we read every single
我們真的很感謝你們所有的支持。
comment. And we'd love to see, you know, some of you guys move through these mini exercises, any questions that you guys have, and how you're thinking through these things, and we'll read through
下次再見。照顧好自己。
them and try to answer as many as possible.
再見！
>> Yeah. Treat the comment section like your board of adviserss.
確保點擊訂閱按鈕，打開通知鈴鐺。
>> True. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode of the Tiger Sisters.
這樣你就不會錯過我們的任何新內容。
If you found it helpful, please make sure to like, comment, and subscribe.
我們每週發布新影片。
And when you subscribe, you get notified when a new episode is released.
感謝觀看！
>> Yes. And if you have some friends who you think they might be settling or playing small or not selling at all, but you just want to share Tiger Sisters
我們下次見。
with them, then please share this episode with them. And we'd so appreciate it if you can give us a five-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. It takes literally 3 seconds
別忘了查看我們的其他影片。
and it helps Tiger sisters get discovered. >> Yes. And if you have 10 seconds, actually write a review because I've heard that those also make a huge difference in people deciding to listen
連結在描述中。
to the episodes. Thanks, guys. We'll see you next time.
下次再見！
>> Thanks. Bye.
保重！