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Let's be real. If a business partner missed deadlines, went dark for days, and just came back with excuses, you would end the deal. But in dating, too many high-erforming women let it slide.
說真的。如果一個商業夥伴錯過截止日期，消失好幾天，然後只是帶著藉口回來，你會終止這個交易。但在約會中，太多高成就的女性任其發展。
Overgiving to someone who isn't showing up. Today, we're giving you the five frameworks to raise your standards so you stop overfunctioning and overgiving and start acting like the CEO of your own life.
過度付出給一個沒有出現的人。今天，我們給你五個框架來提高你的標準，這樣你就不再過度運作和過度付出，開始像自己生活的 CEO 一樣行動。
Today, we're breaking down five powerful frameworks to help you stop overfunctioning in love and to start dating with the clarity, confidence, and standards of a CEO. No more chasing, no
今天，我們要分解五個強大的框架來幫助你停止在愛情中過度運作，開始以 CEO 的清晰度、信心和標準約會。不再追逐，不再
more guesswork, and no more settling for half relationships or situationships. M true. If you're done being the one who ignores all the red flags, plans every single date, and holds the emotional
猜測，不再將就半段關係或曖昧關係。太對了。如果你厭倦了當那個忽視所有紅旗、計劃每一次約會、獨自承擔情感
load on your own, this this is your wakeup call. So, stick around. We are going to give you a three question litmus test that can save you months, maybe even years of emotional burnout
負擔的人，這就是你的警醒電話。所以，待在這裡。我們要給你一個三問題的試金石測試，可以節省你幾個月，甚至幾年的情感倦怠
and hands-on exercises so you can rewrite your dating deal terms boldly, clearly, and without apology. We're going to start with framework one, the CEO shift. This is important because
和動手練習，這樣你就可以大膽、清晰、毫不道歉地重寫你的約會交易條款。我們將從框架一開始，CEO 轉變。這很重要因為
it's more than just confidence. It's flipping the script and stopping yourself from overgiving in relationships. Because I feel like as kids, we are conditioned to make ourselves likable and like we're
它不僅僅是信心。它是翻轉劇本，阻止自己在關係中過度付出。因為我覺得作為孩子，我們被調教成讓自己討人喜歡，我們被
conditioned to also try and please everyone other people feel comfortable.
調教成試圖讓每個人和其他人感到舒適。
>> We need to stop doing that. >> A lot of the times we carry what we've learned in childhood into adulthood and that can be really dangerous and just like not good.
我們需要停止這樣做。很多時候我們把童年學到的東西帶入成年，這可能真的很危險，而且不好。
>> Yeah. Yeah. So, there's actually this 2021 McKenzie study that showed that women take on invisible labor. Whether it's at work or it's at home, it's something where, you know, you're the
是的。是的。所以，其實有一個 2021 年麥肯錫的研究顯示女性承擔隱形勞動。無論是在工作還是在家裡，這是一種，你知道，你是
one who's smoothing over conflicts, you're the one who's doing the little things to make sure that people are just happy. Yeah. Like I think in the office, especially if you work in a
那個化解衝突的人，你是那個做小事確保人們開心的人。是的。比如我覺得在辦公室，特別是如果你在一個
male-dominated environment, so many times the woman on the team, especially if you're the only woman on the team, you'll be asked or tasked to plan a lot of the social events.
男性主導的環境工作，很多時候團隊裡的女性，特別是如果你是團隊裡唯一的女性，你會被要求或被指派計劃很多社交活動。
>> Yeah. You'll be volunttoled. >> Yeah. Volunte. Which is like >> volunteered, but you don't have a choice. You have to plan the outing or the happy hour on Fridays for everyone else. Mhm.
是的。你會被「志願」。是的。志願。這就像...被志願，但你沒有選擇。你必須為其他人計劃外出或週五的歡樂時光。嗯。
>> And that's emotional labor and also physical labor >> that you aren't recognized for. Yeah, it was even I remember um in my first job out of school when I was an analyst at
這是情感勞動，也是身體勞動，你沒有得到認可。是的，我記得在我畢業後的第一份工作，當我是高盛的分析師時
Goldman, it was even worse because yes, I had to do that and then also every week we had this investment committee where we would have to compile an entire
情況更糟，因為是的，我必須做那個，然後每週我們有這個投資委員會，我們必須彙編整本
book of all of the u memos that we had written that we were going to review investment committee and it was like you know hundreds of pages and every week
我們寫的備忘錄，我們要在投資委員會審查的，那是幾百頁，而且每週
for whatever reason I was the one that was asked to do it and it's actually a lot of work >> to compile it.
不知為何我是被要求做這個的人，這實際上需要很多工作來彙編它。
>> Yeah. To compile it and I wasn't the only analyst. There were multiple analysts. The rest were all men, but I was the one that was asked to do it
是的。彙編它，我不是唯一的分析師。有很多分析師。其他的都是男性，但我是被要求做這個的人
>> cuz it's secretary work. >> Yeah. But I didn't realize at the time.
因為這是秘書工作。是的。但我當時沒有意識到。
And also, you're too scared if you're just an analyst to say no. Like you would never say no. I mean, I didn't.
而且，如果你只是一個分析師，你太害怕說不。你永遠不會說不。我是說，我沒有。
Maybe I should have. >> That was physical labor.
也許我應該說。那是體力勞動。
>> Like staple printing things out, stapling things.
比如裝訂印出來的東西，裝訂東西。
>> It was also emotional labor because I was terrified that I would do it wrong.
這也是情感勞動，因為我非常害怕我會做錯。
>> Yeah. And then you would get blamed for it because also doing >> there's no upside >> doing those like those tasks that someone has to do it but it sucks when
是的。然後你會因此被責怪，因為做...沒有好處...做那些有人必須做的任務，但當
you're the woman and you have to do it and people look to you to do it and it doesn't help you with promotion.
你是女性，你必須做，人們指望你做，這對你的晉升沒有幫助。
>> Exactly. It's the type of thing that you have to be conscientious to do to do it correctly. But you can never excel at the task. You can only just do it right
完全正確。這是那種你必須認真對待才能正確完成的事情。但你永遠不能在這個任務上出色。你只能做對
or you can it up. >> Yeah. So it's annoying at work. This happens a lot at work. But this can also happen subconsciously in your romantic life. So, let's dive into it.
或者你可以搞砸。是的。所以這在工作中很煩人。這在工作中經常發生。但這也可能在你的浪漫生活中潛意識地發生。所以，讓我們深入探討。
>> So, have you ever caught yourself doing that in dating? Like doing all the emotional labor? Basically doing the the deal memos of your of your relationship.
那麼，你有沒有發現自己在約會中這樣做？比如做所有的情感勞動？基本上做你關係的備忘錄。
That's so ick to like put it that way.
這麼說太噁心了。
But I think yeah, especially early on in a relationship when I feel really excited about someone, there can be a lot of chemistry and momentum. Sometimes I'm showing up for someone who hasn't
但我覺得是的，特別是在關係早期當我對某人非常興奮時，可能有很多化學反應和動力。有時候我為一個沒有
even like proven that they've shown up for me or even chosen me just yet.
證明他們為我付出或甚至選擇我的人付出。
>> Yeah. I can think of an example too where my example is pulling from if you've been in a relationship where you you know in a heterosexual relationship
是的。我也能想到一個例子，我的例子是來自如果你曾經在一段關係中，你知道在異性戀關係中
in on my part where I was living with a man and we were basically for all intents and purposes we were like married like living as if we were
在我這邊，我和一個男人住在一起，我們基本上在所有方面就像結婚了一樣，就像
married a lot of times when you have responsibilities as a couple like let's say you're going to a wedding or you're going to somebody's birthday party the woman is often the one that is
結婚的生活一樣，很多時候當你作為一對有責任時，比如說你要參加婚禮或者要去某人的生日派對，女性通常是那個
responsible for >> the gift >> the gift. And even if the person whose wedding it is, you like barely even know them and they are, you know, the college
負責...禮物...禮物的人。即使結婚的那個人你幾乎不認識他們，他們是，你知道，你伴侶的
friend of your partner, you're still the one that is if the gift doesn't show up, you're the one that kind of is going to take the blame
大學朋友，你仍然是那個如果禮物沒有到，你會受到責怪的人
>> or like it looks bad on you. It reflects badly on you, not on the other not on the other person.
或者這會讓你看起來很糟糕。這會讓你顯得不好，而不是另一個人。
>> Yeah. And I've caught myself doing that in dating. Like completely throwing myself into a relationship and showing up for someone fully who hasn't even decided that they want to show up for me.
是的。我發現自己在約會中這樣做。完全投入一段關係，為一個甚至沒有決定要為我付出的人全力以赴。
>> Exactly. That's like basically waiting for a deal. That's never going to happen.
完全正確。這就像基本上在等待一筆永遠不會發生的交易。
>> Yes. Because a CEO doesn't just sit on the sidelines. They're in charge. They make the hire. They make the decisions and they move things forward. And in
是的。因為 CEO 不只是坐在場邊。他們是負責人。他們做招聘。他們做決定，他們推動事情向前發展。在
dating, that means getting clear on what you want and not putting your whole life on the line for someone else's uncertainty. And with that in mind, it's time for our mini exercise. Our first
約會中，這意味著清楚你想要什麼，不要為別人的不確定性把你的整個生活押上。考慮到這一點，是時候做我們的迷你練習了。我們的第一個
one, >> ask yourself, what is one way that I'm shrinking myself in dating or in a relationship that I would just never ever tolerate in business?
問自己，有什麼是我在約會或關係中讓自己變小的方式，是我在商業中絕對不會容忍的？
>> And then next, flip it. Ask yourself, what would my CEO self, my CEO mindset, what would that person do?
然後下一步，翻轉它。問自己，我的 CEO 自我，我的 CEO 心態，那個人會怎麼做？
>> So once you've made that shift, the next step is to figure out somebody's emotional capacity. And that's where the second framework comes in. It's emotional due diligence. This is one of
所以一旦你做出了那個轉變，下一步是弄清楚某人的情感能力。這就是第二個框架的用武之地。它是情感盡職調查。這是
my favorite frameworks. So due diligence is a business term where in investing you basically do all of the research that you need to do to feel comfortable with either buying the company or
我最喜歡的框架之一。所以盡職調查是一個商業術語，在投資中你基本上做所有你需要做的研究，讓你對購買公司或
investing in it. So that's looking at the finances, looking at the leadership, looking at pretty much all of the elements.
投資它感到舒適。所以這是看財務、看領導層，基本上看所有的要素。
>> Yeah. Getting into all the history of the business, whether you're in venture capital or private equity cuz you want to make a good and informed investment.
是的。深入了解企業的所有歷史，無論你是在風險投資還是私募股權，因為你想做一個好的、明智的投資。
You don't want to buy a company or invest in a company and then, you know, 3 months later figure out, you know, there are some skeletons in the closet
你不想買一家公司或投資一家公司，然後，你知道，3 個月後發現，你知道，有一些不可告人的秘密
that that you can't reverse. You can't >> Yeah, I've been there.
是你無法逆轉的。你不能...是的，我經歷過。
>> Go about that. So it like the whole point is how do you do this due diligence upfront if you are getting serious about someone and you're dating.
去處理那個。所以重點是如果你正在認真對待某人並且你在約會，你如何提前做這個盡職調查。
>> So in dating that would be like looking at somebody's communication style, looking at their dating history, looking at how they handle commitment all before you actually get into a long-term
所以在約會中，這就像是看某人的溝通風格、看他們的約會歷史、看他們如何處理承諾，所有這些都在你真正進入長期
relationship. I think in dating a lot of this is subconscious or it's not something you're doing very intentionally because like dating I think is supposed to feel fun and
關係之前。我覺得在約會中很多這些是潛意識的，或者不是你非常有意識在做的，因為約會我覺得應該感覺有趣和
romantic and flirty and when you're just getting into something there's like a lot of chemistry there but like these are like the less sexy things to think about. It's like what are your values?
浪漫和調情，當你剛開始某段感情時有很多化學反應，但這些是不太性感的事情要考慮。就像你的價值觀是什麼？
So, like it's it's not like the fun stuff potentially, but it's like the deeply deeply important stuff that if you skip over it, you're like way in the
所以，這不是潛在的有趣的東西，但這是深深重要的東西，如果你跳過它，你會陷入
deep end and you're like, gosh, I really wish we talked about XYZ beforehand or we at least had a conversation about these really important topics before. I
深淵然後你會說，天啊，我真希望我們事先談過 XYZ 或者我們至少在之前就這些非常重要的話題進行過對話。我
felt so deeply about someone and we just haven't talked about this enter your important thing here in this blank space. To me, I think one of the most important things where where you're like
對某人感覺如此深刻，我們就是沒有談過這個，在這個空白處填入你重要的事情。對我來說，我覺得最重要的事情之一，你會
enter that, you know, fill in the blank.
填入那個，你知道，填空。
Yeah. Is >> being able to have both parties in a relationship be committed to repairing things when things aren't going right.
是的。是...能夠讓關係中的雙方都致力於在事情不順利時修復。
There's actually this really famous study out of the Gottman Institute that says that's one of like the strongest predictors of a successful relationship.
其實有一個非常著名的來自 Gottman 研究所的研究說這是成功關係最強的預測因素之一。
Basic terms, it's like, do we fight well?
基本來說，就是我們吵架吵得好嗎？
>> You know, do we fight fair and do we fight well? And you can only really know that if you get into a fight or like an argument with someone and see how you
你知道，我們吵架公平嗎，我們吵架吵得好嗎？你只有真正和某人吵架或爭論才能真正知道，看看你們
guys communicate or maybe lack of communication and then how do you guys make up?
怎麼溝通或者可能缺乏溝通，然後你們怎麼和好？
>> Yes, it's the making up. It's like the actually like moving past the fight.
是的，是和好。就像實際上從吵架中走出來。
Like you can have a disagreement. You can disagree on many many things. It's basically how do you how do you bridge the gap in the disagreement and how do you move forward
你可以有分歧。你可以在很多很多事情上不同意。基本上就是你如何...你如何彌合分歧的差距，你如何向前走
and still be able to have a successful relationship despite the disagreement.
並且仍然能夠在分歧之後擁有一段成功的關係。
Repair isn't about being perfect. It's about making the effort every time. And that's why due diligence isn't just about asking the right questions. It's about watching their behavior. How do
修復不是關於完美。它是關於每次都付出努力。這就是為什麼盡職調查不僅僅是問正確的問題。它是關於觀察他們的行為。
people handle both the good times which are very easy and fun to handle but also more importantly the bad times which are going to be shitty and how does someone
人們如何處理好時光，這很容易和有趣地處理，但更重要的是壞時光，這會很糟糕，某人
handle or respond to the bad times? That's the important thing.
如何處理或回應壞時光？這是重要的事情。
>> Yeah. And one way to kind of try to sus this out is to ask better questions on dates. So instead of asking, you know, the obvious questions like, "What do you
是的。一種試圖弄清楚這一點的方法是在約會中問更好的問題。所以不是問，你知道，明顯的問題比如「你
do?" blah blah blah, you should also ask questions that are like, "What happened with your last breakup? How do you handle conflicts in relationships? How did you solve the last problem that you
做什麼？」等等等等，你還應該問這樣的問題：「你上次分手發生了什麼？你如何處理關係中的衝突？你是如何解決你上次和你
had with your significant other? >> Yeah, >> these these questions will really bring a lot of things to light.
另一半之間的問題的？」是的，這些問題真的會讓很多事情浮出水面。
>> Sometimes I get a little bit nervous asking those questions. It's more like the timing of it. Like when do you ask those questions? Like do you bring up
有時候我問這些問題有點緊張。更多的是時機問題。你什麼時候問這些問題？你會在
their ex on the first date? Obviously, it's like when does it come up naturally? And sometimes I'm like I make a little joke out of it. I'm like I'm
第一次約會時提到他們的前任嗎？顯然，這就像什麼時候自然出現？有時候我會開個小玩笑。我會說我
nosy. I want to know. I'm just like so >> what happened to your last relationship?
很八卦。我想知道。我就像是...那麼你上一段關係發生了什麼？
Why did it end? But I think it's important and like you can figure out like what the vibe is of the date, whether it's date one or date three or
為什麼結束了？但我認為這很重要，你可以感受約會的氛圍，無論是第一次約會還是第三次約會還是
date five, but I think you're just much better served for yourself to like know these things. And then also you get to see how they speak about their ex, how
第五次約會，但我認為為了你自己知道這些事情會好得多。然後你還可以看到他們如何談論他們的前任，他們
do they talk about their friends or their family. Like these questions, >> they show you more about what that person values, >> right? An even more important part of it
如何談論他們的朋友或他們的家人。這些問題，它們向你展示更多關於那個人看重什麼的，對吧？更重要的一部分
is to watch what they do. So basically, do their actions match what they say? In my early 20s, I was so charmed by what guys were saying? And I was like easily
是觀察他們做什麼。所以基本上，他們的行動與他們說的一致嗎？在我 20 出頭時，我被男人說的話迷住了？我很容易
convinced by like all of their like words of affirmation and like those promises of like what they would do. But when like there's no action to back it up, I'm like now that I'm
被他們所有的肯定話語和那些他們會做的承諾說服。但當沒有行動來支持時，我就像現在我
>> in my 30s, >> she just turned 30.
在我 30 多歲了，她剛滿 30。
>> I just turned 30. Now that I'm in my 30s, it's much more about actions. And I'm like, "Okay, you say this thing now.
我剛滿 30。現在我 30 多歲了，更多的是關於行動。我會說：「好的，你現在說這個事情。
Show me." It's about behavior and consistent action and less about words.
給我看。」這是關於行為和持續的行動，而不是言語。
>> Your words mean nothing >> without the consistent action to back it up.
你的話沒有意義，如果沒有持續的行動來支持。
>> That's true. >> Okay. So, let's get to the mini exercise. So, in this mini exercise, think about the person that you're dating. How do they handle discomfort?
這是真的。好的。讓我們開始迷你練習。所以，在這個迷你練習中，想想你正在約會的那個人。他們如何處理不適？
How do they handle things going wrong? How do they handle mistakes? And then track yourself, too. You have to be a little bit introspective. Do you feel
他們如何處理事情出錯？他們如何處理錯誤？然後也追蹤你自己。你必須有點內省。你感覺
calm with them or when you're with them, do you feel like you're on edge?
和他們在一起很平靜還是當你和他們在一起時，你感覺很緊張？
>> Yeah. I have an example that is exactly related to this. And it's like I don't know. It seems like such a silly little example, but it really stands out in my
是的。我有一個例子正好與此相關。它就像我不知道。這看起來像是一個愚蠢的小例子，但它真的在我
head, which is that um one of the people I was dating recently, he was like, "Oh, let's go on a tennis date." So, he was like I was like, "Okay, sure. You I
腦海中留下印象，就是我最近約會的一個人，他說：「哦，我們去約會打網球吧。」所以，他說我說：「好的，當然。你我
assumed he was going to plan it." And I think he had like didn't book the court and thought we were gonna just go on to one of these courts, but it was a really
以為他會計劃。」我覺得他沒有預訂球場，以為我們會直接去一個球場，但那是一個非常
busy time. So, we got on it and then somebody was like, "Oh, actually, I booked this court." And then was trying to like kick us off, but they weren't
繁忙的時間。所以，我們上去了，然後有人說：「哦，實際上，我訂了這個球場。」然後試圖把我們趕走，但他們不是
going to use it right away. Anyway, he actually got like kind of upset about it and sort of like I could tell he was upset and sort of had an attitude. And
馬上要用。總之，他實際上對此有點不高興，我能感覺到他不高興，有點態度。然後
so then towards that person or towards you? No, like towards that towards the situation.
是對那個人還是對你？不，是對那個...對那個情況。
>> Yeah. >> And so then I felt really uncomfortable and then I was then trying to sort of like make him feel better even though I don't know even though like he up
是的。然後我感到非常不舒服，然後我試圖讓他感覺好一點，即使我不知道即使他搞砸了
like so then I was like trying to resolve the situation and and looking back on it I was like that's so lame.
所以然後我試圖解決這個情況，回想起來我覺得那太遜了。
>> That's not a fun date. >> Yeah. And then here I was trying to like make him feel better on this date that he was the one that proposed. He
那不是一個有趣的約會。是的。然後我試圖在這個他提出的約會中讓他感覺好一點。他
proposed it and he just didn't really follow through on on actually what seems to be like a very simple task. That's that unpaid emotional labor you were doing.
提出了它，但他沒有真正完成看起來是一個非常簡單的任務。那是你做的無償情感勞動。
>> Yes. Exactly. Exactly. And that's why I think it's so important to actually watch someone's behavior because that's a really common trap that we see dating someone for their potential rather than their patterns.
是的。完全正確。完全正確。這就是為什麼我認為實際觀察某人的行為如此重要，因為那是我們看到的一個非常常見的陷阱，約會某人的潛力而不是他們的模式。
>> And we'll get into that right after this break.
我們將在這個休息後深入探討。
>> This episode of Tiger Sisters is brought to you by Square. It's the product that we and our founder friends trust every day. From running our own startups to
這集 Tiger Sisters 由 Square 贊助。這是我們和我們的創始人朋友每天信任的產品。從經營我們自己的創業公司到
buying groceries at the farmers market using Tap to Pay.
在農夫市場用 Tap to Pay 買雜貨。
>> Yeah, because Square is great for selling. We run our own matcha brand called Sisters Matcha. And we've grown from local pop-ups to shipping across the country. And Square has been with us
是的，因為 Square 很適合銷售。我們經營自己的抹茶品牌叫 Sisters Matcha。我們從當地快閃活動發展到全國配送。Square 一直陪伴著我們
the whole way. It's so easy. You can set up an online store in just a few clicks.
一路走來。太簡單了。你可以在幾次點擊內建立一個網上商店。
And everything from payments to inventory lives in one place. It's also flexible. Whether testing new products, tracking what's selling, or managing new orders, Square keeps it simple. The reporting tools help you see what's
從付款到庫存的所有東西都在一個地方。它也很靈活。無論是測試新產品、追蹤什麼在賣、還是管理新訂單，Square 讓它變得簡單。報告工具幫助你看到什麼
working and where to focus. So, if you're building your own brand, like a small business, a side hustle, or an online shop, Square grows with you. Get
有效以及在哪裡專注。所以，如果你正在建立自己的品牌，像小企業、副業或網上商店，Square 與你一起成長。得到
everything you need to run and grow your own business without any long-term commitments. Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/tigersisters.
你需要的一切來經營和發展你自己的業務，沒有任何長期承諾。現在，你可以在 square.com/go/tigersisters 註冊時獲得高達 200 美元的 Square 硬件折扣。
That's sq.com/go/tigeristers. Run your business smarter with Square.
那就是 sq.com/go/tigeristers。用 Square 更聰明地經營你的業務。
Get started today. >> All right, and we're back. So now let's get into framework number three which is patterns over potential. So I think one of the easiest traps to fall into
今天就開始吧。好的，我們回來了。現在讓我們進入框架第三，模式優於潛力。所以我認為最容易陷入的陷阱之一
especially as a woman is dating somebody's potential. Especially if you are a high achieving woman and you are maybe naturally drawn to projects.
特別是作為女性是約會某人的潛力。特別是如果你是一個高成就的女性，你可能自然被專案吸引。
Would you identify as such? >> I mean I've never said that out loud.
你會這樣認同嗎？我是說我從沒大聲說過。
I'm like not like I like I want to work on someone but it's fun. I think just like there's something in my mind where it's like fun to grow with someone. Yes.
我不像我喜歡我想改造某人，但這很有趣。我覺得在我腦海中只是有一些東西，和某人一起成長很有趣。是的。
And especially if you're young in your 20s, you guys have like similar timelines and trajectories. It's really fun to like grow with someone in a new location at work and like you can just
特別是如果你年輕在 20 多歲，你們有相似的時間表和軌跡。在一個新地方在工作中和某人一起成長真的很有趣，你們可以只是
prop each other up in that way. But I think it can become a little bit toxic if it's not reciprocal.
以那種方式互相支持。但我認為如果不是相互的，它會變得有點有毒。
>> Oh, totally. In my early 20s, I was dating someone who I was really really excited about. But then for like a few years, we were like on and then off. And
哦，完全是。在我 20 出頭時，我在約會一個我非常非常興奮的人。但然後幾年來，我們像是在一起然後又分開。然後
I realized I was more excited about their potential of what they could be than who they actually were in that moment. And it really backfired. Yeah. I think I've done something very similar.
我意識到我對他們能成為什麼的潛力比他們在那一刻實際是誰更興奮。這真的適得其反。是的。我覺得我做過非常相似的事情。
And I think what can happen, especially as the relationship gets more serious, is that a lot of times you can sort of lose yourself in that role where if you
我認為可能發生的事情，特別是當關係變得更認真時，是很多時候你可能會在那個角色中迷失自我，如果你
really really care about and even love the other person, you are so invested in their success that I think a lot of times you subconsciously or unconsciously put yourself on the back burner.
真的真的關心甚至愛另一個人，你對他們的成功如此投入，我認為很多時候你會潛意識或無意識地把自己放在次要位置。
>> Yeah. >> Um I I think that that happened for me.
是的。嗯，我覺得這發生在我身上了。
It's not even like you blame the other person because they're not necessarily asking you to to do that for them, but like you said before, if they just are not naturally reciprocating the same
這甚至不是你責怪對方，因為他們不一定要求你為他們這樣做，但就像你之前說的，如果他們只是沒有自然地互惠同樣
amount of effort that you're putting in to sort of, you know, help them achieve their goals and move them along, then it's naturally going to happen.
的努力，你投入的幫助他們實現目標並推動他們前進的，那麼這自然會發生。
>> Yeah. >> Even if they're not, you know, they're not like a malicious person or anything like that.
是的。即使他們不是，你知道，他們不是一個惡意的人或任何這樣的事情。
>> Yeah. And I think also women tend to be very nurturing. Mhm.
是的。我也認為女性往往非常有培養性。嗯。
>> That's why they end up taking on the emotional unpaid labor.
這就是為什麼她們最終承擔了情感無償勞動。
>> Mhm. >> And then that that sort of kind of like emotional high that can blur your judgment and then you can spend months even years waiting for someone to turn
嗯。然後那種情感高峰會模糊你的判斷，然後你可能會花幾個月甚至幾年等待某人變成
into your imagined version of them. >> Yeah. And I think like bringing it back to like the CEO or like the investor mindset, like when you're a CEO or
你想像中的版本。是的。我覺得把它帶回 CEO 或投資者心態，當你是 CEO 或
investor, like you want to have such clarity on like what you want, what you're looking for, and a plan. And honestly like KPIs like by this milestone it should be in a certain way
投資者，你想對你想要什麼、你在尋找什麼有如此清晰的認識，還有一個計劃。老實說還有 KPI，就像在這個里程碑它應該是某種方式
and then maybe by the next milestone we should see certain progress because I think what's dangerous in like romance and love because we're not as like intentional or like on it or like
然後也許在下一個里程碑我們應該看到某些進展，因為我認為在浪漫和愛情中危險的是因為我們不像那樣有意識或者像在
planning in that way like things just kind of oftenimes slip into complacency and so we're not as diligent. Mhm. And that goes back to your original point of making sure that their actions reflect
那樣計劃，事情常常就是滑入自滿，所以我們不那麼勤奮。嗯。這回到你最初的觀點，確保他們的行動反映
what they say they'll do because a strong connection without consistent followthrough, that's a marketing campaign. And make sure you also look at your own patterns too. Like figure out
他們說會做的，因為沒有持續跟進的強烈連結，那是一個營銷活動。確保你也看你自己的模式。比如弄清楚
who are you personally drawn to. Like is it, you know, the tech bro? Is it the PE finance guy who, you know, promises a lot of stuff but then never follows
你個人被誰吸引。比如是，你知道，科技男嗎？是那個 PE 金融男，你知道，承諾很多但從不
through and doesn't give you the time that you deserve? Like you have to go through your own actions and behaviors too to figure out how you can do better.
兌現，不給你你應得的時間？你也必須檢視你自己的行動和行為，弄清楚你如何能做得更好。
>> Yeah. And sometimes you need to break your own patterns.
是的。有時候你需要打破你自己的模式。
>> Yeah. >> If you recognize that your your pattern is not serving you, >> ask yourself if your choices in the past actually lead to you feeling fulfilled.
是的。如果你意識到你的模式沒有服務你，問自己你過去的選擇是否真的導致你感到滿足。
>> Yeah. This actually reminds me of one of the first episodes we ever filmed which was I think we called it dating 101 where remember we were talking about the
是的。這實際上讓我想起我們拍過的最早的節目之一，我想我們叫它約會 101，記得我們在談論
bachelor and we were the bachelorette and we were looking at certain patterns and >> I apparently I have two types. My one type that I'm attracted to is a stoic
單身漢，我們是單身女，我們在看某些模式，顯然我有兩種類型。我被吸引的一種類型是冷酷的
hot guy. And the second type of person that I am attracted to is like the charismat like the complete opposite.
帥哥。我被吸引的第二種類型的人是完全相反的。
Like the charismatic funny guy who's like the center of attention. Yeah. So it was just kind of interesting to seeing and like I've dated >> the other type the second type has not
那個有魅力的有趣的男人，是焦點。是的。所以看到並且我約會過第二種類型並且
worked out well. So like you know seeing your patterns and behaviors and what leads to your happiness and Yeah. So, an internal audit.
沒有成功。所以你知道看到你的模式和行為以及什麼導致你的幸福。是的。所以，一個內部審計。
>> Okay, this is perfect time for a mini exercise. So, the mini exercise, step one, write down your last two or three relationship patterns. And so, this could either be a dynamic pattern where
好的，這是迷你練習的完美時機。所以，迷你練習，第一步，寫下你最後兩到三段關係模式。所以，這可以是一個動態模式
it's like, I'm the one that's always in caretaker mode, or I'm the one that's always doing things or it could be an attraction pattern where you're like, I'm the one that's always attracted to
就像，我是那個總是在照顧模式的人，或者我是那個總是做事情的人，或者它可以是一個吸引模式，你會說，我是那個總是被
PE guys, >> the tech the tech, >> the tech pros. and then ask yourself what were some of the early signs there and what did I ignore? If those same
PE 男吸引的，科技...科技專業人士。然後問自己那裡有什麼早期跡象，我忽略了什麼？如果那些同樣的
patterns keep showing up, then it's time to set clearer terms. So that's where we go to framework number four. Define your deal terms.
模式不斷出現，那麼是時候設定更清晰的條款了。所以這就是我們要進入框架第四的地方。定義你的交易條款。
>> Basically, your deal terms are your non-negotiables. These are the things that you need to feel safe and supported.
基本上，你的交易條款是你的不可談判的。這些是你需要感到安全和被支持的東西。
>> Yeah. And I think a lot of women don't want to do this because they don't want to seem high maintenance because there's for some reason a societal bias against
是的。我認為很多女性不想做這個，因為她們不想顯得高維護，因為不知為何對
the term high maintenance, but it's not being high maintenance. It's actually just setting your filters so that you can be more successful in the future.
高維護這個詞有社會偏見，但這不是高維護。這實際上只是設置你的過濾器，這樣你在未來可以更成功。
>> Yeah. It saves you from wasting your time and then also the person that you're seeing their time as well. Mhm.
是的。這節省了你浪費你的時間，也節省了你正在見的那個人的時間。嗯。
>> I also think it's really difficult to expect someone to meet your terms if you haven't created the terms yourself >> or said it out loud or written it down
我也認為如果你沒有自己創造條款或者大聲說出來或者自己寫下來，期望某人達到你的條款是非常困難的
yourself. Like they're not supposed to read your mind, right? Cuz if you don't even know, how are they supposed to know? So this is the part where you have
他們不應該讀你的心思，對吧？因為如果你都不知道，他們怎麼會知道？所以這是你必須
to take some accountability on yourself and set your non-negotiables. Write it down. Say it out loud. Like it doesn't have to be something that you share publicly, but like at least you spend
對自己負責並設定你的不可談判的部分。寫下來。大聲說出來。這不一定是你公開分享的東西，但至少你花
some time thinking about what your non-negotiables are and then like write it down. So for example, like a non-negotiable for yourself or actually for myself, like one would be like I
一些時間思考你的不可談判的是什麼，然後寫下來。所以例如，像我自己的一個不可談判的或者實際上對我自己，像一個會是
only want to date someone who takes accountability in the relationship or I want to date someone who plans like this many dates because that's like what I
我只想約會在關係中負責的人，或者我想約會計劃這麼多約會的人，因為那是我
need to feel happy and supported in a relationship. And that's okay. Like there's no shame in in saying what you need in a relationship, at least to yourself.
在關係中感到快樂和被支持需要的。這沒什麼問題。說出你在關係中需要什麼沒什麼丟人的，至少對你自己。
>> Well, actually, that's the perfect thing to do for our mini exercise because our mini exercise is to think about what are two to three non-negotiables that you
好吧，實際上，這是做我們迷你練習的完美事情，因為我們的迷你練習是想想你對
have for the other person in a relationship with you and write them down. Next, pick one boundary that you've broken yourself in the past and commit to keeping it next time.
關係中另一個人有什麼兩到三個不可談判的並寫下來。接下來，選一個你過去自己打破過的界限，承諾下次保持它。
>> Yeah. I think one non-negotiable that I've realized is that I I need to be picked up from the airport. It's not like every single like I'm reasonable.
是的。我意識到的一個不可談判的是我需要從機場被接。這不是每一次我是合理的。
If something's going on, if you have a work meeting, obviously you don't like I understand. But I think it's one way that I feel really loved. It's like an
如果有事發生，如果你有工作會議，顯然你不用我理解。但我認為這是我感到非常被愛的一種方式。這是一種
act of service because that's just like what I'm also used to in my family and also like something that I do to show my love too. And so I think it's really
服務行為，因為這就是我在家裡習慣的，也是我展示愛的方式。所以我認為這真的
important to be picked up from the airport if they have the time. if they're just like sitting at home waiting for for me to Uber home, I think
很重要如果他們有時間從機場接我。如果他們只是坐在家裡等我打 Uber 回家，我認為
that's pretty lame. Um, unless it's LAX at a 1000 p.m. on a Sunday night cuz then it's really really busy. But even then, like I think that's like showing a
那很遜。除非是週日晚上 10 點的 LAX，因為那時真的很忙。但即使那樣，我認為那表明
lot of effort and that they care. Um, and that has become a non-negotiable in my relationship where I think in the past like I was kind of like afraid to
很多努力和他們在乎。而且這已經成為我關係中的一個不可談判的，我認為過去我有點害怕
ask people for that even though I wanted it and it meant a lot to me.
向人們要求那個，即使我想要它並且它對我意義重大。
>> It's even more important at LAX because you have to go to LAXIT unless you get a black cab. I mean, a black a black Uber.
在 LAX 更重要因為你必須去 LAXIT，除非你叫一輛黑色出租車。我是說，一輛黑色 Uber。
>> Exactly. And it's really important to do the mini exercise because if someone can't meet your terms, that's not a failure. That's your filter actually working. I am a huge believer in
完全正確。做迷你練習非常重要，因為如果某人不能達到你的條款，那不是失敗。那實際上是你的過濾器在工作。我非常相信
science. As one of the top 25 women patent holders in the US, I live in the space where research, rigor, and innovation meet. So, when I try something new, especially for healthier
科學。作為美國前 25 名女性專利持有人之一，我生活在研究、嚴謹和創新相遇的空間。所以，當我嘗試新東西，特別是更健康的
skin, I want to know that the science checks out. That's why Sheree and I connected so deeply with One Skin. The brand was founded by four women PhDs studying skin regeneration and stem cell
皮膚，我想知道科學是否過關。這就是為什麼 Sheree 和我與 One Skin 連結得如此深。這個品牌由四位研究皮膚再生和幹細胞的女性博士創立
biology. And they invented the first ingredient proven to reverse skin's biological age, the OS1 peptide. This is one impressive brand. They're backed by published studies, clinical data, and
生物學。她們發明了第一個被證明可以逆轉皮膚生物年齡的成分，OS1 肽。這是一個令人印象深刻的品牌。它們有已發表的研究、臨床數據支持，而且
they have multiple patents. I use One Skin day and night, and honestly, my skin has never looked better. And because it's backed by science, I trust the results. And I trust the fact that
她們有多項專利。我日夜使用 One Skin，老實說，我的皮膚從未這麼好過。因為它有科學支持，我相信結果。我相信
One Skin has earned over 10,000 five-star reviews. So, if you want skincare that's also about long-term health, One Skin is it. It's time to target cellular aging so we keep our
One Skin 已經獲得了超過 10,000 個五星評價。所以，如果你想要也關於長期健康的護膚，One Skin 就是它。是時候針對細胞老化，讓我們的
skin acting younger for longer. On Skin is the world's first skin longevity company. And right now, you can try it for 15% off by going to oneskin.co and
皮膚更長時間保持年輕。One Skin 是世界上第一家皮膚長壽公司。現在，你可以去 oneskin.co 並
using the code tiger sisters. That's 15% off at onskin.co using code tigers.
使用代碼 tiger sisters 獲得 15% 折扣。那就是在 onskin.co 使用代碼 tigers 獲得 15% 折扣。
After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them and tell them that the tiger sister sent you. Try one skin today. Your future self will thank
購買後，他們會問你從哪裡聽說他們的，告訴他們 Tiger Sister 介紹的。今天就試試 One Skin。你未來的自己會感謝
you. And that brings us to our final framework. Framework five, emotional equity. Oh, this is my favorite framework. Tell me why. So, emotional equity is all about balance. It's not
你。這把我們帶到最後一個框架。框架五，情感資本。哦，這是我最喜歡的框架。告訴我為什麼。所以，情感資本是關於平衡。它不是
about being perfect. So, it's thinking about in the course of your relationship, are both people putting in the effort to make things work, to make plans, to solve problems together, or is
關於完美。所以，它是在你的關係過程中思考，雙方是否都在付出努力讓事情運作、制定計劃、一起解決問題，還是
one person doing all the heavy lifting while the other person coasts? I love this framework. It's actually my favorite because I don't feel like it's talked about enough. And I want to bring
一個人做所有繁重的工作而另一個人輕鬆滑過？我喜歡這個框架。它實際上是我最喜歡的，因為我覺得它沒有被談論得夠多。我想提
up this really important 2023 Pew study that says that most women in heterosexual relationships report carrying 2 and a half times more emotional labor than men. This is the
起這個非常重要的 2023 年皮尤研究，說在異性戀關係中的大多數女性報告承擔了男性 2.5 倍的情感勞動。這是
unpaid emotional labor that we were talking about earlier.
我們之前談到的無償情感勞動。
>> And 65% of them report feeling overwhelmed. If you're managing the plans and smoothing over the conflict and doing that all by yourself, that is unpaid emotional labor. So, we have
65% 的她們報告感到不堪重負。如果你在管理計劃、化解衝突而且全部獨自做，那是無償情感勞動。所以，我們有
actually a really good litmus test for seeing if this is true. So, there's three things. One, after a date, do you feel more like yourself or do you feel
一個非常好的試金石測試來看這是否是真的。所以，有三件事。一，約會後，你感覺更像自己還是
less like yourself? I think that's a really good one. Second one is, are you trying to get their attention or are you asking yourself, do they deserve my attention?
不像自己？我認為那是一個非常好的。第二個是，你是在試圖引起他們的注意還是你在問自己，他們值得我的注意嗎？
>> Third one is if you stopped initiating, like you stopped texting and saying like, hey, how's it going? Blah blah blah. Would the connection just die off or would it deepen?
第三個是如果你停止主動，比如你停止發訊息說，嘿，過得怎麼樣？等等等等。這個連結會消失還是會加深？
>> Yeah, I like this litmus test because I think it's applicable to like friendships as well, like all relationships and especially romantic ones because if it's just one-sided for
是的，我喜歡這個試金石測試，因為我認為它也適用於友誼，像所有關係，特別是浪漫關係，因為如果它只是單方面的
a very long time, that's unsustainable. I also like the litmus test, the fact that has three parts to it because I kind of feel like you need to pass all
很長時間，那是不可持續的。我也喜歡這個試金石測試，它有三個部分，因為我有點覺得你需要全部通過
three in order to get a good answer because a lot of times sometimes you can date someone who's like super fun and you have amazing dates and after the
三個才能得到一個好答案，因為很多時候有時候你可以約會一個超級有趣的人，你們有很棒的約會，約會後
date you feel so yourself, but they're not keeping up the communication and deepening the relationship outside of just these like super fun dates. Yeah.
你感覺非常像自己，但他們沒有保持溝通和在這些超級有趣的約會之外加深關係。是的。
>> Right. So like you need to >> you need to look at all three elements of this limus test. It's not just like a one. You you can't just pass one and and
對。所以你需要...你需要看這個試金石測試的所有三個元素。這不只是一個。你不能只通過一個然後就
you know >> keep going. >> It's like pretty it's like a holistic view of a person.
你知道...繼續。這就像...這是對一個人的整體看法。
>> Yeah. >> And then finally with the litmus test, I think it's also about like noticing if there is an imbalance because like once you notice the imbalance, it's not about
是的。然後最後關於試金石測試，我認為它也是關於注意是否有不平衡，因為一旦你注意到不平衡，它不是關於
just like walking away or calling it quits. It's about creating a change that you feel happy with. And I really like the second question of asking if they deserve your attention because like what
就是走開或放棄。它是關於創造一個你感到快樂的改變。我真的很喜歡第二個問題問他們是否值得你的注意，因為還有什麼
other I guess it's just like the most valuable resource that you have, your time, your energy, your effort, your love. Like putting that into someoneotions, >> your emotions, like that's actually a
我猜這只是你擁有的最有價值的資源，你的時間、你的精力、你的努力、你的愛。把這些投入某人的情緒，你的情緒，那實際上是
really big deal. >> It's huge. >> Yeah. And I think we don't stop to to think about that. Like if you're not if you're not putting that time into
一件大事。這很重要。是的。我認為我們沒有停下來想過。如果你沒有把那個時間投入到
that person, like what else would you be doing? You'd be putting it into yourself. You'd be growing yourself, right? So the the opportunity cost of that of giving someone your attention is
那個人，你還會做什麼？你會投資自己。你會讓自己成長，對吧？所以給某人你的注意的機會成本
actually pretty high. >> Yeah. and also making the wrong decision. Um like marrying the wrong person or someone who at the end of the day or you know at at the end of the
實際上相當高。是的。而且做出錯誤的決定。嗯，比如嫁給錯的人或者在一天結束時或者你知道在
relationship like causes more emotional strife than emotional connection is like a huge burden that like yes you can overcome. There are things you can do right like you'll get over anything. You
關係結束時造成更多情感困擾而不是情感連結是一個巨大的負擔，是的你可以克服。有一些事情你可以做，你會克服任何事情。你
can do it but like it's just so stressful. It's really stressful if you make the wrong decision, especially if you weren't thinking it through and like going through the litmus test and the
可以做到，但這只是很有壓力。如果你做出錯誤的決定真的很有壓力，特別是如果你沒有好好想過並且經過試金石測試和
frameworks that we're talking through now. Like it creates a much bigger headache down the road. And we want to save you from that headache.
我們現在在說的框架。這會在未來造成更大的頭痛。我們想讓你避免那個頭痛。
>> Yeah. And I like that point because it's like looking at the word attention. It can mean many things, right? It can be positive attention that you're giving
是的。我喜歡那個觀點，因為它就像看「注意」這個詞。它可以意味著很多事情，對吧？它可以是你給的正面的
that makes you feel more energized and uplifted or it could be that you're like ruminating on things that this person is doing. Even if you're not actively interacting with them, you can be giving
讓你感到更有活力和振奮的注意，或者它可能是你在反覆思考這個人做的事情。即使你沒有積極地與他們互動，你可能在給
attention and thought and energy and like being like wait why did they do this? Why didn't they message me? It's living in your head rentree.
注意和思考和精力，然後說等等他們為什麼這樣做？他們為什麼沒有給我發訊息？他們在你的腦海裡免費住著。
>> Yeah. Also, who you end up marrying if you want to get married like that is the most important decision that you'll make in your life. It affects everything.
是的。而且，如果你想結婚，你最終嫁給誰是你一生中最重要的決定。它影響一切。
Like something that I love that you say, Jean, is actually like >> the person who you marry, you are having the most number of meals with them for
我喜歡你說的一句話，Jean，實際上是你嫁的那個人，你會和他們一起吃最多的飯
the rest of your life. Like they are your meal companion. And obviously it affects your finances. It affects your family. It affects like if you want to have children like it affects every it
在你的餘生。他們是你的用餐夥伴。顯然它影響你的財務。它影響你的家庭。它影響如果你想有孩子它影響每它
is the most important decision that you'll make. So do these litmus tests and do them early if you can. Okay. So, this entire episode, you know, we're giving you frameworks and mental models
是你會做的最重要的決定。所以如果可以的話，早點做這些試金石測試。好的。所以，整集，你知道，我們在給你框架和心理模型
to think through. If you're in a relationship right now and you're noticing some, you know, beige flags or red flags, that doesn't mean you have to end the relationship tomorrow. That's
來思考。如果你現在在一段關係中，你注意到一些，你知道，米色旗幟或紅旗，那不意味著你明天就要結束這段關係。那
not that's not what we're saying at all.
不是...那不是我們在說的。
We're actually giving you ways right now so how you can repair and move forward.
我們實際上現在給你方法讓你可以修復並向前走。
Yeah. It doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. It just means there's ways that you can work together, but it requires commitment and it requires work. So, here's how you do it.
是的。這不意味著你的關係注定失敗。它只是意味著有一些方法你們可以一起努力，但它需要承諾，它需要工作。所以，這是你怎麼做。
There are three steps. The first is to track it. So, for one week, take stock of all the emotional labor that you take on.
有三個步驟。第一是追蹤它。所以，一週內，盤點你承擔的所有情感勞動。
>> Mhm. The next step is to talk about it.
嗯。下一步是談論它。
Bring it up with your partner and use eye statements. So, you could say something like, "I have been noticing that I've been making most of the plans.
和你的伴侶提出來，使用「我」陳述。所以，你可以說這樣的話：「我注意到我一直在做大部分的計劃。
I love I would love if we could share in that effort. I've been noticing that I've been buying all the wedding gifts for your friends. Could we share in that responsibility?
我喜歡如果我們可以分擔這個努力。我注意到我一直在為你的朋友買所有的結婚禮物。我們可以分擔這個責任嗎？
And the third is to make a request, not a demand. Give them a chance to step up and see what their response is after you give them that feedback.
第三是提出請求，而不是要求。給他們一個機會站出來，看看他們在你給他們反饋後的反應是什麼。
>> Right? And a real partner will want to co-create with you. A mismatch will either resist or they'll deflect. So either way, you're going to get your answer.
對吧？一個真正的伴侶會想和你一起創造。一個不匹配的會抵制或者他們會轉移話題。所以無論如何，你都會得到你的答案。
>> Okay. Now, we're going to wrap up this episode. Jean, can you remind us what are the five frameworks?
好的。現在，我們要結束這一集。Jean，你能提醒我們五個框架是什麼嗎？
>> Yeah. Okay. So, there are five frameworks to conducting your love life like a CEO. So, the first one is shift from proving to choosing. The second one is to practice emotional due diligence.
是的。好的。所以，有五個框架來像 CEO 一樣管理你的愛情生活。所以，第一個是從證明轉變為選擇。第二個是實踐情感盡職調查。
Third one is trust consistent behavior over potential. The fourth one is to define your deal terms. And the fifth and the last one is to build emotional equity through shared effort. And it's
第三個是信任一致的行為而不是潛力。第四個是定義你的交易條款。第五個也是最後一個是通過共同努力建立情感資本。
really important to realize that this episode isn't just about dating. It's about self-worth, power, and confidence, and going into a relationship from a place of clarity, not scarcity. So, your
非常重要的是要意識到這一集不僅僅是關於約會。它是關於自我價值、權力和信心，從一個清晰的地方進入一段關係，而不是匱乏。所以，你的
power move this week is to make one decision using these frameworks, whether it's ending a misaligned relationship or actually taking the time to write down all of your terms of what you actually
本週的權力行動是使用這些框架做一個決定，無論是結束一段不一致的關係還是實際上花時間寫下你所有關於你實際上
want. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode of The Tiger Sisters.
想要的條款。非常感謝你們收聽這一集 Tiger Sisters。
Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who needs to hear this. You can find it all in the episode description below.
請記得按讚、留言和訂閱。如果你喜歡這一集，請分享給需要聽到這個的人。你可以在下面的節目描述中找到所有這些。
We'll see you next time. Bye.
我們下次見。拜拜。
點擊句子跳轉到對應位置
Let's be real. If a business partner missed deadlines, went dark for days, and just came back with excuses, you would end the deal. But in dating, too many high-erforming women let it slide.
說真的。如果一個商業夥伴錯過截止日期，消失好幾天，然後只是帶著藉口回來，你會終止這個交易。但在約會中，太多高成就的女性任其發展。
Overgiving to someone who isn't showing up. Today, we're giving you the five frameworks to raise your standards so you stop overfunctioning and overgiving and start acting like the CEO of your own life.
過度付出給一個沒有出現的人。今天，我們給你五個框架來提高你的標準，這樣你就不再過度運作和過度付出，開始像自己生活的 CEO 一樣行動。
Today, we're breaking down five powerful frameworks to help you stop overfunctioning in love and to start dating with the clarity, confidence, and standards of a CEO. No more chasing, no
今天，我們要分解五個強大的框架來幫助你停止在愛情中過度運作，開始以 CEO 的清晰度、信心和標準約會。不再追逐，不再
more guesswork, and no more settling for half relationships or situationships. M true. If you're done being the one who ignores all the red flags, plans every single date, and holds the emotional
猜測，不再將就半段關係或曖昧關係。太對了。如果你厭倦了當那個忽視所有紅旗、計劃每一次約會、獨自承擔情感
load on your own, this this is your wakeup call. So, stick around. We are going to give you a three question litmus test that can save you months, maybe even years of emotional burnout
負擔的人，這就是你的警醒電話。所以，待在這裡。我們要給你一個三問題的試金石測試，可以節省你幾個月，甚至幾年的情感倦怠
and hands-on exercises so you can rewrite your dating deal terms boldly, clearly, and without apology. We're going to start with framework one, the CEO shift. This is important because
和動手練習，這樣你就可以大膽、清晰、毫不道歉地重寫你的約會交易條款。我們將從框架一開始，CEO 轉變。這很重要因為
it's more than just confidence. It's flipping the script and stopping yourself from overgiving in relationships. Because I feel like as kids, we are conditioned to make ourselves likable and like we're
它不僅僅是信心。它是翻轉劇本，阻止自己在關係中過度付出。因為我覺得作為孩子，我們被調教成讓自己討人喜歡，我們被
conditioned to also try and please everyone other people feel comfortable.
調教成試圖讓每個人和其他人感到舒適。
>> We need to stop doing that. >> A lot of the times we carry what we've learned in childhood into adulthood and that can be really dangerous and just like not good.
我們需要停止這樣做。很多時候我們把童年學到的東西帶入成年，這可能真的很危險，而且不好。
>> Yeah. Yeah. So, there's actually this 2021 McKenzie study that showed that women take on invisible labor. Whether it's at work or it's at home, it's something where, you know, you're the
是的。是的。所以，其實有一個 2021 年麥肯錫的研究顯示女性承擔隱形勞動。無論是在工作還是在家裡，這是一種，你知道，你是
one who's smoothing over conflicts, you're the one who's doing the little things to make sure that people are just happy. Yeah. Like I think in the office, especially if you work in a
那個化解衝突的人，你是那個做小事確保人們開心的人。是的。比如我覺得在辦公室，特別是如果你在一個
male-dominated environment, so many times the woman on the team, especially if you're the only woman on the team, you'll be asked or tasked to plan a lot of the social events.
男性主導的環境工作，很多時候團隊裡的女性，特別是如果你是團隊裡唯一的女性，你會被要求或被指派計劃很多社交活動。
>> Yeah. You'll be volunttoled. >> Yeah. Volunte. Which is like >> volunteered, but you don't have a choice. You have to plan the outing or the happy hour on Fridays for everyone else. Mhm.
是的。你會被「志願」。是的。志願。這就像...被志願，但你沒有選擇。你必須為其他人計劃外出或週五的歡樂時光。嗯。
>> And that's emotional labor and also physical labor >> that you aren't recognized for. Yeah, it was even I remember um in my first job out of school when I was an analyst at
這是情感勞動，也是身體勞動，你沒有得到認可。是的，我記得在我畢業後的第一份工作，當我是高盛的分析師時
Goldman, it was even worse because yes, I had to do that and then also every week we had this investment committee where we would have to compile an entire
情況更糟，因為是的，我必須做那個，然後每週我們有這個投資委員會，我們必須彙編整本
book of all of the u memos that we had written that we were going to review investment committee and it was like you know hundreds of pages and every week
我們寫的備忘錄，我們要在投資委員會審查的，那是幾百頁，而且每週
for whatever reason I was the one that was asked to do it and it's actually a lot of work >> to compile it.
不知為何我是被要求做這個的人，這實際上需要很多工作來彙編它。
>> Yeah. To compile it and I wasn't the only analyst. There were multiple analysts. The rest were all men, but I was the one that was asked to do it
是的。彙編它，我不是唯一的分析師。有很多分析師。其他的都是男性，但我是被要求做這個的人
>> cuz it's secretary work. >> Yeah. But I didn't realize at the time.
因為這是秘書工作。是的。但我當時沒有意識到。
And also, you're too scared if you're just an analyst to say no. Like you would never say no. I mean, I didn't.
而且，如果你只是一個分析師，你太害怕說不。你永遠不會說不。我是說，我沒有。
Maybe I should have. >> That was physical labor.
也許我應該說。那是體力勞動。
>> Like staple printing things out, stapling things.
比如裝訂印出來的東西，裝訂東西。
>> It was also emotional labor because I was terrified that I would do it wrong.
這也是情感勞動，因為我非常害怕我會做錯。
>> Yeah. And then you would get blamed for it because also doing >> there's no upside >> doing those like those tasks that someone has to do it but it sucks when
是的。然後你會因此被責怪，因為做...沒有好處...做那些有人必須做的任務，但當
you're the woman and you have to do it and people look to you to do it and it doesn't help you with promotion.
你是女性，你必須做，人們指望你做，這對你的晉升沒有幫助。
>> Exactly. It's the type of thing that you have to be conscientious to do to do it correctly. But you can never excel at the task. You can only just do it right
完全正確。這是那種你必須認真對待才能正確完成的事情。但你永遠不能在這個任務上出色。你只能做對
or you can it up. >> Yeah. So it's annoying at work. This happens a lot at work. But this can also happen subconsciously in your romantic life. So, let's dive into it.
或者你可以搞砸。是的。所以這在工作中很煩人。這在工作中經常發生。但這也可能在你的浪漫生活中潛意識地發生。所以，讓我們深入探討。
>> So, have you ever caught yourself doing that in dating? Like doing all the emotional labor? Basically doing the the deal memos of your of your relationship.
那麼，你有沒有發現自己在約會中這樣做？比如做所有的情感勞動？基本上做你關係的備忘錄。
That's so ick to like put it that way.
這麼說太噁心了。
But I think yeah, especially early on in a relationship when I feel really excited about someone, there can be a lot of chemistry and momentum. Sometimes I'm showing up for someone who hasn't
但我覺得是的，特別是在關係早期當我對某人非常興奮時，可能有很多化學反應和動力。有時候我為一個沒有
even like proven that they've shown up for me or even chosen me just yet.
證明他們為我付出或甚至選擇我的人付出。
>> Yeah. I can think of an example too where my example is pulling from if you've been in a relationship where you you know in a heterosexual relationship
是的。我也能想到一個例子，我的例子是來自如果你曾經在一段關係中，你知道在異性戀關係中
in on my part where I was living with a man and we were basically for all intents and purposes we were like married like living as if we were
在我這邊，我和一個男人住在一起，我們基本上在所有方面就像結婚了一樣，就像
married a lot of times when you have responsibilities as a couple like let's say you're going to a wedding or you're going to somebody's birthday party the woman is often the one that is
結婚的生活一樣，很多時候當你作為一對有責任時，比如說你要參加婚禮或者要去某人的生日派對，女性通常是那個
responsible for >> the gift >> the gift. And even if the person whose wedding it is, you like barely even know them and they are, you know, the college
負責...禮物...禮物的人。即使結婚的那個人你幾乎不認識他們，他們是，你知道，你伴侶的
friend of your partner, you're still the one that is if the gift doesn't show up, you're the one that kind of is going to take the blame
大學朋友，你仍然是那個如果禮物沒有到，你會受到責怪的人
>> or like it looks bad on you. It reflects badly on you, not on the other not on the other person.
或者這會讓你看起來很糟糕。這會讓你顯得不好，而不是另一個人。
>> Yeah. And I've caught myself doing that in dating. Like completely throwing myself into a relationship and showing up for someone fully who hasn't even decided that they want to show up for me.
是的。我發現自己在約會中這樣做。完全投入一段關係，為一個甚至沒有決定要為我付出的人全力以赴。
>> Exactly. That's like basically waiting for a deal. That's never going to happen.
完全正確。這就像基本上在等待一筆永遠不會發生的交易。
>> Yes. Because a CEO doesn't just sit on the sidelines. They're in charge. They make the hire. They make the decisions and they move things forward. And in
是的。因為 CEO 不只是坐在場邊。他們是負責人。他們做招聘。他們做決定，他們推動事情向前發展。在
dating, that means getting clear on what you want and not putting your whole life on the line for someone else's uncertainty. And with that in mind, it's time for our mini exercise. Our first
約會中，這意味著清楚你想要什麼，不要為別人的不確定性把你的整個生活押上。考慮到這一點，是時候做我們的迷你練習了。我們的第一個
one, >> ask yourself, what is one way that I'm shrinking myself in dating or in a relationship that I would just never ever tolerate in business?
問自己，有什麼是我在約會或關係中讓自己變小的方式，是我在商業中絕對不會容忍的？
>> And then next, flip it. Ask yourself, what would my CEO self, my CEO mindset, what would that person do?
然後下一步，翻轉它。問自己，我的 CEO 自我，我的 CEO 心態，那個人會怎麼做？
>> So once you've made that shift, the next step is to figure out somebody's emotional capacity. And that's where the second framework comes in. It's emotional due diligence. This is one of
所以一旦你做出了那個轉變，下一步是弄清楚某人的情感能力。這就是第二個框架的用武之地。它是情感盡職調查。這是
my favorite frameworks. So due diligence is a business term where in investing you basically do all of the research that you need to do to feel comfortable with either buying the company or
我最喜歡的框架之一。所以盡職調查是一個商業術語，在投資中你基本上做所有你需要做的研究，讓你對購買公司或
investing in it. So that's looking at the finances, looking at the leadership, looking at pretty much all of the elements.
投資它感到舒適。所以這是看財務、看領導層，基本上看所有的要素。
>> Yeah. Getting into all the history of the business, whether you're in venture capital or private equity cuz you want to make a good and informed investment.
是的。深入了解企業的所有歷史，無論你是在風險投資還是私募股權，因為你想做一個好的、明智的投資。
You don't want to buy a company or invest in a company and then, you know, 3 months later figure out, you know, there are some skeletons in the closet
你不想買一家公司或投資一家公司，然後，你知道，3 個月後發現，你知道，有一些不可告人的秘密
that that you can't reverse. You can't >> Yeah, I've been there.
是你無法逆轉的。你不能...是的，我經歷過。
>> Go about that. So it like the whole point is how do you do this due diligence upfront if you are getting serious about someone and you're dating.
去處理那個。所以重點是如果你正在認真對待某人並且你在約會，你如何提前做這個盡職調查。
>> So in dating that would be like looking at somebody's communication style, looking at their dating history, looking at how they handle commitment all before you actually get into a long-term
所以在約會中，這就像是看某人的溝通風格、看他們的約會歷史、看他們如何處理承諾，所有這些都在你真正進入長期
relationship. I think in dating a lot of this is subconscious or it's not something you're doing very intentionally because like dating I think is supposed to feel fun and
關係之前。我覺得在約會中很多這些是潛意識的，或者不是你非常有意識在做的，因為約會我覺得應該感覺有趣和
romantic and flirty and when you're just getting into something there's like a lot of chemistry there but like these are like the less sexy things to think about. It's like what are your values?
浪漫和調情，當你剛開始某段感情時有很多化學反應，但這些是不太性感的事情要考慮。就像你的價值觀是什麼？
So, like it's it's not like the fun stuff potentially, but it's like the deeply deeply important stuff that if you skip over it, you're like way in the
所以，這不是潛在的有趣的東西，但這是深深重要的東西，如果你跳過它，你會陷入
deep end and you're like, gosh, I really wish we talked about XYZ beforehand or we at least had a conversation about these really important topics before. I
深淵然後你會說，天啊，我真希望我們事先談過 XYZ 或者我們至少在之前就這些非常重要的話題進行過對話。我
felt so deeply about someone and we just haven't talked about this enter your important thing here in this blank space. To me, I think one of the most important things where where you're like
對某人感覺如此深刻，我們就是沒有談過這個，在這個空白處填入你重要的事情。對我來說，我覺得最重要的事情之一，你會
enter that, you know, fill in the blank.
填入那個，你知道，填空。
Yeah. Is >> being able to have both parties in a relationship be committed to repairing things when things aren't going right.
是的。是...能夠讓關係中的雙方都致力於在事情不順利時修復。
There's actually this really famous study out of the Gottman Institute that says that's one of like the strongest predictors of a successful relationship.
其實有一個非常著名的來自 Gottman 研究所的研究說這是成功關係最強的預測因素之一。
Basic terms, it's like, do we fight well?
基本來說，就是我們吵架吵得好嗎？
>> You know, do we fight fair and do we fight well? And you can only really know that if you get into a fight or like an argument with someone and see how you
你知道，我們吵架公平嗎，我們吵架吵得好嗎？你只有真正和某人吵架或爭論才能真正知道，看看你們
guys communicate or maybe lack of communication and then how do you guys make up?
怎麼溝通或者可能缺乏溝通，然後你們怎麼和好？
>> Yes, it's the making up. It's like the actually like moving past the fight.
是的，是和好。就像實際上從吵架中走出來。
Like you can have a disagreement. You can disagree on many many things. It's basically how do you how do you bridge the gap in the disagreement and how do you move forward
你可以有分歧。你可以在很多很多事情上不同意。基本上就是你如何...你如何彌合分歧的差距，你如何向前走
and still be able to have a successful relationship despite the disagreement.
並且仍然能夠在分歧之後擁有一段成功的關係。
Repair isn't about being perfect. It's about making the effort every time. And that's why due diligence isn't just about asking the right questions. It's about watching their behavior. How do
修復不是關於完美。它是關於每次都付出努力。這就是為什麼盡職調查不僅僅是問正確的問題。它是關於觀察他們的行為。
people handle both the good times which are very easy and fun to handle but also more importantly the bad times which are going to be shitty and how does someone
人們如何處理好時光，這很容易和有趣地處理，但更重要的是壞時光，這會很糟糕，某人
handle or respond to the bad times? That's the important thing.
如何處理或回應壞時光？這是重要的事情。
>> Yeah. And one way to kind of try to sus this out is to ask better questions on dates. So instead of asking, you know, the obvious questions like, "What do you
是的。一種試圖弄清楚這一點的方法是在約會中問更好的問題。所以不是問，你知道，明顯的問題比如「你
do?" blah blah blah, you should also ask questions that are like, "What happened with your last breakup? How do you handle conflicts in relationships? How did you solve the last problem that you
做什麼？」等等等等，你還應該問這樣的問題：「你上次分手發生了什麼？你如何處理關係中的衝突？你是如何解決你上次和你
had with your significant other? >> Yeah, >> these these questions will really bring a lot of things to light.
另一半之間的問題的？」是的，這些問題真的會讓很多事情浮出水面。
>> Sometimes I get a little bit nervous asking those questions. It's more like the timing of it. Like when do you ask those questions? Like do you bring up
有時候我問這些問題有點緊張。更多的是時機問題。你什麼時候問這些問題？你會在
their ex on the first date? Obviously, it's like when does it come up naturally? And sometimes I'm like I make a little joke out of it. I'm like I'm
第一次約會時提到他們的前任嗎？顯然，這就像什麼時候自然出現？有時候我會開個小玩笑。我會說我
nosy. I want to know. I'm just like so >> what happened to your last relationship?
很八卦。我想知道。我就像是...那麼你上一段關係發生了什麼？
Why did it end? But I think it's important and like you can figure out like what the vibe is of the date, whether it's date one or date three or
為什麼結束了？但我認為這很重要，你可以感受約會的氛圍，無論是第一次約會還是第三次約會還是
date five, but I think you're just much better served for yourself to like know these things. And then also you get to see how they speak about their ex, how
第五次約會，但我認為為了你自己知道這些事情會好得多。然後你還可以看到他們如何談論他們的前任，他們
do they talk about their friends or their family. Like these questions, >> they show you more about what that person values, >> right? An even more important part of it
如何談論他們的朋友或他們的家人。這些問題，它們向你展示更多關於那個人看重什麼的，對吧？更重要的一部分
is to watch what they do. So basically, do their actions match what they say? In my early 20s, I was so charmed by what guys were saying? And I was like easily
是觀察他們做什麼。所以基本上，他們的行動與他們說的一致嗎？在我 20 出頭時，我被男人說的話迷住了？我很容易
convinced by like all of their like words of affirmation and like those promises of like what they would do. But when like there's no action to back it up, I'm like now that I'm
被他們所有的肯定話語和那些他們會做的承諾說服。但當沒有行動來支持時，我就像現在我
>> in my 30s, >> she just turned 30.
在我 30 多歲了，她剛滿 30。
>> I just turned 30. Now that I'm in my 30s, it's much more about actions. And I'm like, "Okay, you say this thing now.
我剛滿 30。現在我 30 多歲了，更多的是關於行動。我會說：「好的，你現在說這個事情。
Show me." It's about behavior and consistent action and less about words.
給我看。」這是關於行為和持續的行動，而不是言語。
>> Your words mean nothing >> without the consistent action to back it up.
你的話沒有意義，如果沒有持續的行動來支持。
>> That's true. >> Okay. So, let's get to the mini exercise. So, in this mini exercise, think about the person that you're dating. How do they handle discomfort?
這是真的。好的。讓我們開始迷你練習。所以，在這個迷你練習中，想想你正在約會的那個人。他們如何處理不適？
How do they handle things going wrong? How do they handle mistakes? And then track yourself, too. You have to be a little bit introspective. Do you feel
他們如何處理事情出錯？他們如何處理錯誤？然後也追蹤你自己。你必須有點內省。你感覺
calm with them or when you're with them, do you feel like you're on edge?
和他們在一起很平靜還是當你和他們在一起時，你感覺很緊張？
>> Yeah. I have an example that is exactly related to this. And it's like I don't know. It seems like such a silly little example, but it really stands out in my
是的。我有一個例子正好與此相關。它就像我不知道。這看起來像是一個愚蠢的小例子，但它真的在我
head, which is that um one of the people I was dating recently, he was like, "Oh, let's go on a tennis date." So, he was like I was like, "Okay, sure. You I
腦海中留下印象，就是我最近約會的一個人，他說：「哦，我們去約會打網球吧。」所以，他說我說：「好的，當然。你我
assumed he was going to plan it." And I think he had like didn't book the court and thought we were gonna just go on to one of these courts, but it was a really
以為他會計劃。」我覺得他沒有預訂球場，以為我們會直接去一個球場，但那是一個非常
busy time. So, we got on it and then somebody was like, "Oh, actually, I booked this court." And then was trying to like kick us off, but they weren't
繁忙的時間。所以，我們上去了，然後有人說：「哦，實際上，我訂了這個球場。」然後試圖把我們趕走，但他們不是
going to use it right away. Anyway, he actually got like kind of upset about it and sort of like I could tell he was upset and sort of had an attitude. And
馬上要用。總之，他實際上對此有點不高興，我能感覺到他不高興，有點態度。然後
so then towards that person or towards you? No, like towards that towards the situation.
是對那個人還是對你？不，是對那個...對那個情況。
>> Yeah. >> And so then I felt really uncomfortable and then I was then trying to sort of like make him feel better even though I don't know even though like he up
是的。然後我感到非常不舒服，然後我試圖讓他感覺好一點，即使我不知道即使他搞砸了
like so then I was like trying to resolve the situation and and looking back on it I was like that's so lame.
所以然後我試圖解決這個情況，回想起來我覺得那太遜了。
>> That's not a fun date. >> Yeah. And then here I was trying to like make him feel better on this date that he was the one that proposed. He
那不是一個有趣的約會。是的。然後我試圖在這個他提出的約會中讓他感覺好一點。他
proposed it and he just didn't really follow through on on actually what seems to be like a very simple task. That's that unpaid emotional labor you were doing.
提出了它，但他沒有真正完成看起來是一個非常簡單的任務。那是你做的無償情感勞動。
>> Yes. Exactly. Exactly. And that's why I think it's so important to actually watch someone's behavior because that's a really common trap that we see dating someone for their potential rather than their patterns.
是的。完全正確。完全正確。這就是為什麼我認為實際觀察某人的行為如此重要，因為那是我們看到的一個非常常見的陷阱，約會某人的潛力而不是他們的模式。
>> And we'll get into that right after this break.
我們將在這個休息後深入探討。
>> This episode of Tiger Sisters is brought to you by Square. It's the product that we and our founder friends trust every day. From running our own startups to
這集 Tiger Sisters 由 Square 贊助。這是我們和我們的創始人朋友每天信任的產品。從經營我們自己的創業公司到
buying groceries at the farmers market using Tap to Pay.
在農夫市場用 Tap to Pay 買雜貨。
>> Yeah, because Square is great for selling. We run our own matcha brand called Sisters Matcha. And we've grown from local pop-ups to shipping across the country. And Square has been with us
是的，因為 Square 很適合銷售。我們經營自己的抹茶品牌叫 Sisters Matcha。我們從當地快閃活動發展到全國配送。Square 一直陪伴著我們
the whole way. It's so easy. You can set up an online store in just a few clicks.
一路走來。太簡單了。你可以在幾次點擊內建立一個網上商店。
And everything from payments to inventory lives in one place. It's also flexible. Whether testing new products, tracking what's selling, or managing new orders, Square keeps it simple. The reporting tools help you see what's
從付款到庫存的所有東西都在一個地方。它也很靈活。無論是測試新產品、追蹤什麼在賣、還是管理新訂單，Square 讓它變得簡單。報告工具幫助你看到什麼
working and where to focus. So, if you're building your own brand, like a small business, a side hustle, or an online shop, Square grows with you. Get
有效以及在哪裡專注。所以，如果你正在建立自己的品牌，像小企業、副業或網上商店，Square 與你一起成長。得到
everything you need to run and grow your own business without any long-term commitments. Right now, you can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com/go/tigersisters.
你需要的一切來經營和發展你自己的業務，沒有任何長期承諾。現在，你可以在 square.com/go/tigersisters 註冊時獲得高達 200 美元的 Square 硬件折扣。
That's sq.com/go/tigeristers. Run your business smarter with Square.
那就是 sq.com/go/tigeristers。用 Square 更聰明地經營你的業務。
Get started today. >> All right, and we're back. So now let's get into framework number three which is patterns over potential. So I think one of the easiest traps to fall into
今天就開始吧。好的，我們回來了。現在讓我們進入框架第三，模式優於潛力。所以我認為最容易陷入的陷阱之一
especially as a woman is dating somebody's potential. Especially if you are a high achieving woman and you are maybe naturally drawn to projects.
特別是作為女性是約會某人的潛力。特別是如果你是一個高成就的女性，你可能自然被專案吸引。
Would you identify as such? >> I mean I've never said that out loud.
你會這樣認同嗎？我是說我從沒大聲說過。
I'm like not like I like I want to work on someone but it's fun. I think just like there's something in my mind where it's like fun to grow with someone. Yes.
我不像我喜歡我想改造某人，但這很有趣。我覺得在我腦海中只是有一些東西，和某人一起成長很有趣。是的。
And especially if you're young in your 20s, you guys have like similar timelines and trajectories. It's really fun to like grow with someone in a new location at work and like you can just
特別是如果你年輕在 20 多歲，你們有相似的時間表和軌跡。在一個新地方在工作中和某人一起成長真的很有趣，你們可以只是
prop each other up in that way. But I think it can become a little bit toxic if it's not reciprocal.
以那種方式互相支持。但我認為如果不是相互的，它會變得有點有毒。
>> Oh, totally. In my early 20s, I was dating someone who I was really really excited about. But then for like a few years, we were like on and then off. And
哦，完全是。在我 20 出頭時，我在約會一個我非常非常興奮的人。但然後幾年來，我們像是在一起然後又分開。然後
I realized I was more excited about their potential of what they could be than who they actually were in that moment. And it really backfired. Yeah. I think I've done something very similar.
我意識到我對他們能成為什麼的潛力比他們在那一刻實際是誰更興奮。這真的適得其反。是的。我覺得我做過非常相似的事情。
And I think what can happen, especially as the relationship gets more serious, is that a lot of times you can sort of lose yourself in that role where if you
我認為可能發生的事情，特別是當關係變得更認真時，是很多時候你可能會在那個角色中迷失自我，如果你
really really care about and even love the other person, you are so invested in their success that I think a lot of times you subconsciously or unconsciously put yourself on the back burner.
真的真的關心甚至愛另一個人，你對他們的成功如此投入，我認為很多時候你會潛意識或無意識地把自己放在次要位置。
>> Yeah. >> Um I I think that that happened for me.
是的。嗯，我覺得這發生在我身上了。
It's not even like you blame the other person because they're not necessarily asking you to to do that for them, but like you said before, if they just are not naturally reciprocating the same
這甚至不是你責怪對方，因為他們不一定要求你為他們這樣做，但就像你之前說的，如果他們只是沒有自然地互惠同樣
amount of effort that you're putting in to sort of, you know, help them achieve their goals and move them along, then it's naturally going to happen.
的努力，你投入的幫助他們實現目標並推動他們前進的，那麼這自然會發生。
>> Yeah. >> Even if they're not, you know, they're not like a malicious person or anything like that.
是的。即使他們不是，你知道，他們不是一個惡意的人或任何這樣的事情。
>> Yeah. And I think also women tend to be very nurturing. Mhm.
是的。我也認為女性往往非常有培養性。嗯。
>> That's why they end up taking on the emotional unpaid labor.
這就是為什麼她們最終承擔了情感無償勞動。
>> Mhm. >> And then that that sort of kind of like emotional high that can blur your judgment and then you can spend months even years waiting for someone to turn
嗯。然後那種情感高峰會模糊你的判斷，然後你可能會花幾個月甚至幾年等待某人變成
into your imagined version of them. >> Yeah. And I think like bringing it back to like the CEO or like the investor mindset, like when you're a CEO or
你想像中的版本。是的。我覺得把它帶回 CEO 或投資者心態，當你是 CEO 或
investor, like you want to have such clarity on like what you want, what you're looking for, and a plan. And honestly like KPIs like by this milestone it should be in a certain way
投資者，你想對你想要什麼、你在尋找什麼有如此清晰的認識，還有一個計劃。老實說還有 KPI，就像在這個里程碑它應該是某種方式
and then maybe by the next milestone we should see certain progress because I think what's dangerous in like romance and love because we're not as like intentional or like on it or like
然後也許在下一個里程碑我們應該看到某些進展，因為我認為在浪漫和愛情中危險的是因為我們不像那樣有意識或者像在
planning in that way like things just kind of oftenimes slip into complacency and so we're not as diligent. Mhm. And that goes back to your original point of making sure that their actions reflect
那樣計劃，事情常常就是滑入自滿，所以我們不那麼勤奮。嗯。這回到你最初的觀點，確保他們的行動反映
what they say they'll do because a strong connection without consistent followthrough, that's a marketing campaign. And make sure you also look at your own patterns too. Like figure out
他們說會做的，因為沒有持續跟進的強烈連結，那是一個營銷活動。確保你也看你自己的模式。比如弄清楚
who are you personally drawn to. Like is it, you know, the tech bro? Is it the PE finance guy who, you know, promises a lot of stuff but then never follows
你個人被誰吸引。比如是，你知道，科技男嗎？是那個 PE 金融男，你知道，承諾很多但從不
through and doesn't give you the time that you deserve? Like you have to go through your own actions and behaviors too to figure out how you can do better.
兌現，不給你你應得的時間？你也必須檢視你自己的行動和行為，弄清楚你如何能做得更好。
>> Yeah. And sometimes you need to break your own patterns.
是的。有時候你需要打破你自己的模式。
>> Yeah. >> If you recognize that your your pattern is not serving you, >> ask yourself if your choices in the past actually lead to you feeling fulfilled.
是的。如果你意識到你的模式沒有服務你，問自己你過去的選擇是否真的導致你感到滿足。
>> Yeah. This actually reminds me of one of the first episodes we ever filmed which was I think we called it dating 101 where remember we were talking about the
是的。這實際上讓我想起我們拍過的最早的節目之一，我想我們叫它約會 101，記得我們在談論
bachelor and we were the bachelorette and we were looking at certain patterns and >> I apparently I have two types. My one type that I'm attracted to is a stoic
單身漢，我們是單身女，我們在看某些模式，顯然我有兩種類型。我被吸引的一種類型是冷酷的
hot guy. And the second type of person that I am attracted to is like the charismat like the complete opposite.
帥哥。我被吸引的第二種類型的人是完全相反的。
Like the charismatic funny guy who's like the center of attention. Yeah. So it was just kind of interesting to seeing and like I've dated >> the other type the second type has not
那個有魅力的有趣的男人，是焦點。是的。所以看到並且我約會過第二種類型並且
worked out well. So like you know seeing your patterns and behaviors and what leads to your happiness and Yeah. So, an internal audit.
沒有成功。所以你知道看到你的模式和行為以及什麼導致你的幸福。是的。所以，一個內部審計。
>> Okay, this is perfect time for a mini exercise. So, the mini exercise, step one, write down your last two or three relationship patterns. And so, this could either be a dynamic pattern where
好的，這是迷你練習的完美時機。所以，迷你練習，第一步，寫下你最後兩到三段關係模式。所以，這可以是一個動態模式
it's like, I'm the one that's always in caretaker mode, or I'm the one that's always doing things or it could be an attraction pattern where you're like, I'm the one that's always attracted to
就像，我是那個總是在照顧模式的人，或者我是那個總是做事情的人，或者它可以是一個吸引模式，你會說，我是那個總是被
PE guys, >> the tech the tech, >> the tech pros. and then ask yourself what were some of the early signs there and what did I ignore? If those same
PE 男吸引的，科技...科技專業人士。然後問自己那裡有什麼早期跡象，我忽略了什麼？如果那些同樣的
patterns keep showing up, then it's time to set clearer terms. So that's where we go to framework number four. Define your deal terms.
模式不斷出現，那麼是時候設定更清晰的條款了。所以這就是我們要進入框架第四的地方。定義你的交易條款。
>> Basically, your deal terms are your non-negotiables. These are the things that you need to feel safe and supported.
基本上，你的交易條款是你的不可談判的。這些是你需要感到安全和被支持的東西。
>> Yeah. And I think a lot of women don't want to do this because they don't want to seem high maintenance because there's for some reason a societal bias against
是的。我認為很多女性不想做這個，因為她們不想顯得高維護，因為不知為何對
the term high maintenance, but it's not being high maintenance. It's actually just setting your filters so that you can be more successful in the future.
高維護這個詞有社會偏見，但這不是高維護。這實際上只是設置你的過濾器，這樣你在未來可以更成功。
>> Yeah. It saves you from wasting your time and then also the person that you're seeing their time as well. Mhm.
是的。這節省了你浪費你的時間，也節省了你正在見的那個人的時間。嗯。
>> I also think it's really difficult to expect someone to meet your terms if you haven't created the terms yourself >> or said it out loud or written it down
我也認為如果你沒有自己創造條款或者大聲說出來或者自己寫下來，期望某人達到你的條款是非常困難的
yourself. Like they're not supposed to read your mind, right? Cuz if you don't even know, how are they supposed to know? So this is the part where you have
他們不應該讀你的心思，對吧？因為如果你都不知道，他們怎麼會知道？所以這是你必須
to take some accountability on yourself and set your non-negotiables. Write it down. Say it out loud. Like it doesn't have to be something that you share publicly, but like at least you spend
對自己負責並設定你的不可談判的部分。寫下來。大聲說出來。這不一定是你公開分享的東西，但至少你花
some time thinking about what your non-negotiables are and then like write it down. So for example, like a non-negotiable for yourself or actually for myself, like one would be like I
一些時間思考你的不可談判的是什麼，然後寫下來。所以例如，像我自己的一個不可談判的或者實際上對我自己，像一個會是
only want to date someone who takes accountability in the relationship or I want to date someone who plans like this many dates because that's like what I
我只想約會在關係中負責的人，或者我想約會計劃這麼多約會的人，因為那是我
need to feel happy and supported in a relationship. And that's okay. Like there's no shame in in saying what you need in a relationship, at least to yourself.
在關係中感到快樂和被支持需要的。這沒什麼問題。說出你在關係中需要什麼沒什麼丟人的，至少對你自己。
>> Well, actually, that's the perfect thing to do for our mini exercise because our mini exercise is to think about what are two to three non-negotiables that you
好吧，實際上，這是做我們迷你練習的完美事情，因為我們的迷你練習是想想你對
have for the other person in a relationship with you and write them down. Next, pick one boundary that you've broken yourself in the past and commit to keeping it next time.
關係中另一個人有什麼兩到三個不可談判的並寫下來。接下來，選一個你過去自己打破過的界限，承諾下次保持它。
>> Yeah. I think one non-negotiable that I've realized is that I I need to be picked up from the airport. It's not like every single like I'm reasonable.
是的。我意識到的一個不可談判的是我需要從機場被接。這不是每一次我是合理的。
If something's going on, if you have a work meeting, obviously you don't like I understand. But I think it's one way that I feel really loved. It's like an
如果有事發生，如果你有工作會議，顯然你不用我理解。但我認為這是我感到非常被愛的一種方式。這是一種
act of service because that's just like what I'm also used to in my family and also like something that I do to show my love too. And so I think it's really
服務行為，因為這就是我在家裡習慣的，也是我展示愛的方式。所以我認為這真的
important to be picked up from the airport if they have the time. if they're just like sitting at home waiting for for me to Uber home, I think
很重要如果他們有時間從機場接我。如果他們只是坐在家裡等我打 Uber 回家，我認為
that's pretty lame. Um, unless it's LAX at a 1000 p.m. on a Sunday night cuz then it's really really busy. But even then, like I think that's like showing a
那很遜。除非是週日晚上 10 點的 LAX，因為那時真的很忙。但即使那樣，我認為那表明
lot of effort and that they care. Um, and that has become a non-negotiable in my relationship where I think in the past like I was kind of like afraid to
很多努力和他們在乎。而且這已經成為我關係中的一個不可談判的，我認為過去我有點害怕
ask people for that even though I wanted it and it meant a lot to me.
向人們要求那個，即使我想要它並且它對我意義重大。
>> It's even more important at LAX because you have to go to LAXIT unless you get a black cab. I mean, a black a black Uber.
在 LAX 更重要因為你必須去 LAXIT，除非你叫一輛黑色出租車。我是說，一輛黑色 Uber。
>> Exactly. And it's really important to do the mini exercise because if someone can't meet your terms, that's not a failure. That's your filter actually working. I am a huge believer in
完全正確。做迷你練習非常重要，因為如果某人不能達到你的條款，那不是失敗。那實際上是你的過濾器在工作。我非常相信
science. As one of the top 25 women patent holders in the US, I live in the space where research, rigor, and innovation meet. So, when I try something new, especially for healthier
科學。作為美國前 25 名女性專利持有人之一，我生活在研究、嚴謹和創新相遇的空間。所以，當我嘗試新東西，特別是更健康的
skin, I want to know that the science checks out. That's why Sheree and I connected so deeply with One Skin. The brand was founded by four women PhDs studying skin regeneration and stem cell
皮膚，我想知道科學是否過關。這就是為什麼 Sheree 和我與 One Skin 連結得如此深。這個品牌由四位研究皮膚再生和幹細胞的女性博士創立
biology. And they invented the first ingredient proven to reverse skin's biological age, the OS1 peptide. This is one impressive brand. They're backed by published studies, clinical data, and
生物學。她們發明了第一個被證明可以逆轉皮膚生物年齡的成分，OS1 肽。這是一個令人印象深刻的品牌。它們有已發表的研究、臨床數據支持，而且
they have multiple patents. I use One Skin day and night, and honestly, my skin has never looked better. And because it's backed by science, I trust the results. And I trust the fact that
她們有多項專利。我日夜使用 One Skin，老實說，我的皮膚從未這麼好過。因為它有科學支持，我相信結果。我相信
One Skin has earned over 10,000 five-star reviews. So, if you want skincare that's also about long-term health, One Skin is it. It's time to target cellular aging so we keep our
One Skin 已經獲得了超過 10,000 個五星評價。所以，如果你想要也關於長期健康的護膚，One Skin 就是它。是時候針對細胞老化，讓我們的
skin acting younger for longer. On Skin is the world's first skin longevity company. And right now, you can try it for 15% off by going to oneskin.co and
皮膚更長時間保持年輕。One Skin 是世界上第一家皮膚長壽公司。現在，你可以去 oneskin.co 並
using the code tiger sisters. That's 15% off at onskin.co using code tigers.
使用代碼 tiger sisters 獲得 15% 折扣。那就是在 onskin.co 使用代碼 tigers 獲得 15% 折扣。
After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them and tell them that the tiger sister sent you. Try one skin today. Your future self will thank
購買後，他們會問你從哪裡聽說他們的，告訴他們 Tiger Sister 介紹的。今天就試試 One Skin。你未來的自己會感謝
you. And that brings us to our final framework. Framework five, emotional equity. Oh, this is my favorite framework. Tell me why. So, emotional equity is all about balance. It's not
你。這把我們帶到最後一個框架。框架五，情感資本。哦，這是我最喜歡的框架。告訴我為什麼。所以，情感資本是關於平衡。它不是
about being perfect. So, it's thinking about in the course of your relationship, are both people putting in the effort to make things work, to make plans, to solve problems together, or is
關於完美。所以，它是在你的關係過程中思考，雙方是否都在付出努力讓事情運作、制定計劃、一起解決問題，還是
one person doing all the heavy lifting while the other person coasts? I love this framework. It's actually my favorite because I don't feel like it's talked about enough. And I want to bring
一個人做所有繁重的工作而另一個人輕鬆滑過？我喜歡這個框架。它實際上是我最喜歡的，因為我覺得它沒有被談論得夠多。我想提
up this really important 2023 Pew study that says that most women in heterosexual relationships report carrying 2 and a half times more emotional labor than men. This is the
起這個非常重要的 2023 年皮尤研究，說在異性戀關係中的大多數女性報告承擔了男性 2.5 倍的情感勞動。這是
unpaid emotional labor that we were talking about earlier.
我們之前談到的無償情感勞動。
>> And 65% of them report feeling overwhelmed. If you're managing the plans and smoothing over the conflict and doing that all by yourself, that is unpaid emotional labor. So, we have
65% 的她們報告感到不堪重負。如果你在管理計劃、化解衝突而且全部獨自做，那是無償情感勞動。所以，我們有
actually a really good litmus test for seeing if this is true. So, there's three things. One, after a date, do you feel more like yourself or do you feel
一個非常好的試金石測試來看這是否是真的。所以，有三件事。一，約會後，你感覺更像自己還是
less like yourself? I think that's a really good one. Second one is, are you trying to get their attention or are you asking yourself, do they deserve my attention?
不像自己？我認為那是一個非常好的。第二個是，你是在試圖引起他們的注意還是你在問自己，他們值得我的注意嗎？
>> Third one is if you stopped initiating, like you stopped texting and saying like, hey, how's it going? Blah blah blah. Would the connection just die off or would it deepen?
第三個是如果你停止主動，比如你停止發訊息說，嘿，過得怎麼樣？等等等等。這個連結會消失還是會加深？
>> Yeah, I like this litmus test because I think it's applicable to like friendships as well, like all relationships and especially romantic ones because if it's just one-sided for
是的，我喜歡這個試金石測試，因為我認為它也適用於友誼，像所有關係，特別是浪漫關係，因為如果它只是單方面的
a very long time, that's unsustainable. I also like the litmus test, the fact that has three parts to it because I kind of feel like you need to pass all
很長時間，那是不可持續的。我也喜歡這個試金石測試，它有三個部分，因為我有點覺得你需要全部通過
three in order to get a good answer because a lot of times sometimes you can date someone who's like super fun and you have amazing dates and after the
三個才能得到一個好答案，因為很多時候有時候你可以約會一個超級有趣的人，你們有很棒的約會，約會後
date you feel so yourself, but they're not keeping up the communication and deepening the relationship outside of just these like super fun dates. Yeah.
你感覺非常像自己，但他們沒有保持溝通和在這些超級有趣的約會之外加深關係。是的。
>> Right. So like you need to >> you need to look at all three elements of this limus test. It's not just like a one. You you can't just pass one and and
對。所以你需要...你需要看這個試金石測試的所有三個元素。這不只是一個。你不能只通過一個然後就
you know >> keep going. >> It's like pretty it's like a holistic view of a person.
你知道...繼續。這就像...這是對一個人的整體看法。
>> Yeah. >> And then finally with the litmus test, I think it's also about like noticing if there is an imbalance because like once you notice the imbalance, it's not about
是的。然後最後關於試金石測試，我認為它也是關於注意是否有不平衡，因為一旦你注意到不平衡，它不是關於
just like walking away or calling it quits. It's about creating a change that you feel happy with. And I really like the second question of asking if they deserve your attention because like what
就是走開或放棄。它是關於創造一個你感到快樂的改變。我真的很喜歡第二個問題問他們是否值得你的注意，因為還有什麼
other I guess it's just like the most valuable resource that you have, your time, your energy, your effort, your love. Like putting that into someoneotions, >> your emotions, like that's actually a
我猜這只是你擁有的最有價值的資源，你的時間、你的精力、你的努力、你的愛。把這些投入某人的情緒，你的情緒，那實際上是
really big deal. >> It's huge. >> Yeah. And I think we don't stop to to think about that. Like if you're not if you're not putting that time into
一件大事。這很重要。是的。我認為我們沒有停下來想過。如果你沒有把那個時間投入到
that person, like what else would you be doing? You'd be putting it into yourself. You'd be growing yourself, right? So the the opportunity cost of that of giving someone your attention is
那個人，你還會做什麼？你會投資自己。你會讓自己成長，對吧？所以給某人你的注意的機會成本
actually pretty high. >> Yeah. and also making the wrong decision. Um like marrying the wrong person or someone who at the end of the day or you know at at the end of the
實際上相當高。是的。而且做出錯誤的決定。嗯，比如嫁給錯的人或者在一天結束時或者你知道在
relationship like causes more emotional strife than emotional connection is like a huge burden that like yes you can overcome. There are things you can do right like you'll get over anything. You
關係結束時造成更多情感困擾而不是情感連結是一個巨大的負擔，是的你可以克服。有一些事情你可以做，你會克服任何事情。你
can do it but like it's just so stressful. It's really stressful if you make the wrong decision, especially if you weren't thinking it through and like going through the litmus test and the
可以做到，但這只是很有壓力。如果你做出錯誤的決定真的很有壓力，特別是如果你沒有好好想過並且經過試金石測試和
frameworks that we're talking through now. Like it creates a much bigger headache down the road. And we want to save you from that headache.
我們現在在說的框架。這會在未來造成更大的頭痛。我們想讓你避免那個頭痛。
>> Yeah. And I like that point because it's like looking at the word attention. It can mean many things, right? It can be positive attention that you're giving
是的。我喜歡那個觀點，因為它就像看「注意」這個詞。它可以意味著很多事情，對吧？它可以是你給的正面的
that makes you feel more energized and uplifted or it could be that you're like ruminating on things that this person is doing. Even if you're not actively interacting with them, you can be giving
讓你感到更有活力和振奮的注意，或者它可能是你在反覆思考這個人做的事情。即使你沒有積極地與他們互動，你可能在給
attention and thought and energy and like being like wait why did they do this? Why didn't they message me? It's living in your head rentree.
注意和思考和精力，然後說等等他們為什麼這樣做？他們為什麼沒有給我發訊息？他們在你的腦海裡免費住著。
>> Yeah. Also, who you end up marrying if you want to get married like that is the most important decision that you'll make in your life. It affects everything.
是的。而且，如果你想結婚，你最終嫁給誰是你一生中最重要的決定。它影響一切。
Like something that I love that you say, Jean, is actually like >> the person who you marry, you are having the most number of meals with them for
我喜歡你說的一句話，Jean，實際上是你嫁的那個人，你會和他們一起吃最多的飯
the rest of your life. Like they are your meal companion. And obviously it affects your finances. It affects your family. It affects like if you want to have children like it affects every it
在你的餘生。他們是你的用餐夥伴。顯然它影響你的財務。它影響你的家庭。它影響如果你想有孩子它影響每它
is the most important decision that you'll make. So do these litmus tests and do them early if you can. Okay. So, this entire episode, you know, we're giving you frameworks and mental models
是你會做的最重要的決定。所以如果可以的話，早點做這些試金石測試。好的。所以，整集，你知道，我們在給你框架和心理模型
to think through. If you're in a relationship right now and you're noticing some, you know, beige flags or red flags, that doesn't mean you have to end the relationship tomorrow. That's
來思考。如果你現在在一段關係中，你注意到一些，你知道，米色旗幟或紅旗，那不意味著你明天就要結束這段關係。那
not that's not what we're saying at all.
不是...那不是我們在說的。
We're actually giving you ways right now so how you can repair and move forward.
我們實際上現在給你方法讓你可以修復並向前走。
Yeah. It doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. It just means there's ways that you can work together, but it requires commitment and it requires work. So, here's how you do it.
是的。這不意味著你的關係注定失敗。它只是意味著有一些方法你們可以一起努力，但它需要承諾，它需要工作。所以，這是你怎麼做。
There are three steps. The first is to track it. So, for one week, take stock of all the emotional labor that you take on.
有三個步驟。第一是追蹤它。所以，一週內，盤點你承擔的所有情感勞動。
>> Mhm. The next step is to talk about it.
嗯。下一步是談論它。
Bring it up with your partner and use eye statements. So, you could say something like, "I have been noticing that I've been making most of the plans.
和你的伴侶提出來，使用「我」陳述。所以，你可以說這樣的話：「我注意到我一直在做大部分的計劃。
I love I would love if we could share in that effort. I've been noticing that I've been buying all the wedding gifts for your friends. Could we share in that responsibility?
我喜歡如果我們可以分擔這個努力。我注意到我一直在為你的朋友買所有的結婚禮物。我們可以分擔這個責任嗎？
And the third is to make a request, not a demand. Give them a chance to step up and see what their response is after you give them that feedback.
第三是提出請求，而不是要求。給他們一個機會站出來，看看他們在你給他們反饋後的反應是什麼。
>> Right? And a real partner will want to co-create with you. A mismatch will either resist or they'll deflect. So either way, you're going to get your answer.
對吧？一個真正的伴侶會想和你一起創造。一個不匹配的會抵制或者他們會轉移話題。所以無論如何，你都會得到你的答案。
>> Okay. Now, we're going to wrap up this episode. Jean, can you remind us what are the five frameworks?
好的。現在，我們要結束這一集。Jean，你能提醒我們五個框架是什麼嗎？
>> Yeah. Okay. So, there are five frameworks to conducting your love life like a CEO. So, the first one is shift from proving to choosing. The second one is to practice emotional due diligence.
是的。好的。所以，有五個框架來像 CEO 一樣管理你的愛情生活。所以，第一個是從證明轉變為選擇。第二個是實踐情感盡職調查。
Third one is trust consistent behavior over potential. The fourth one is to define your deal terms. And the fifth and the last one is to build emotional equity through shared effort. And it's
第三個是信任一致的行為而不是潛力。第四個是定義你的交易條款。第五個也是最後一個是通過共同努力建立情感資本。
really important to realize that this episode isn't just about dating. It's about self-worth, power, and confidence, and going into a relationship from a place of clarity, not scarcity. So, your
非常重要的是要意識到這一集不僅僅是關於約會。它是關於自我價值、權力和信心，從一個清晰的地方進入一段關係，而不是匱乏。所以，你的
power move this week is to make one decision using these frameworks, whether it's ending a misaligned relationship or actually taking the time to write down all of your terms of what you actually
本週的權力行動是使用這些框架做一個決定，無論是結束一段不一致的關係還是實際上花時間寫下你所有關於你實際上
want. Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode of The Tiger Sisters.
想要的條款。非常感謝你們收聽這一集 Tiger Sisters。
Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with someone who needs to hear this. You can find it all in the episode description below.
請記得按讚、留言和訂閱。如果你喜歡這一集，請分享給需要聽到這個的人。你可以在下面的節目描述中找到所有這些。
We'll see you next time. Bye.
我們下次見。拜拜。